UNBREAKABLE

I know I'm not the only person that has ever reached a point of utter frustration or pitiful state of self-pity, that cried out,  "Why does this always happen to me!" Who has ever said, "It seems like every time things start going my way, something always has to happen!" It would be nice to say that this only happened "a long time ago" or "in my early days", because that would sound SO much better and like it was no longer a problem for me now. To say that however, wold be an utter and complete lie. The truth is, this line of thinking is one of the easiest places for my mind to turn when things don't go my way.

Many years ago, (around 1985), I lived at a Christian program for young women and had a wise preacher tell me, (after one of my more vocal rants), that going through difficult times was part of a process to make us stronger. Of course, being sober all of maybe 60 days and still walking around in a heavy mind fog, I responded with, "Huh?" What he would share next, would change my entire outlook on this aspect of life an remain with me to this very day, and that was:

"Have you ever bought one of those really cheap hammers? The ones which are so fragile, that if you hit a hard surface with enough for it would just break? The reason that happens is because the metal is full of impurities, which cause it to be or become easily fractured, ultimately resulting in a break. But there are the other really high dollar hammers and they will last a lifetime, (in fact they often come with that exact guarantee), and the reason for this is because they contain almost no impurities at all.

Impurities found in various metals are removed through a lengthy refining process, in which the blacksmith will "fire" the liquid metal, raising it to extremely high temperatures, causing impurities within it to raise to the surface, at which point those impurities will then be ladled off, removing them from the liquid metal and then allowing it to cool. Once cooled it will then be fired up again and this process will continue until the majority of all the impurities are out, resulting in a strong and unbreakable metal."

He went on to tell me: "This is what God does within us. He is the blacksmith and we are the metal ~ full of impurities/defects that cause us to be easily broken. The challenges in life are the fire, which bring up the weaknesses an character flaws, (impurities/defects), within us that cause us to be easily fractured. We are strengthened through this firing process, because in the end we will become strong and unbreakable."

Later in my life, when I learned about the 12-steps and how to apply them, I realized that what he had told me way back then was indeed the truth. In working these 12 principles, I am able to identify my defects of character, (that is...the weaknesses and/or things I don't like about myself), and my shortcomings, (which are...the areas in which I fall short of desirable and healthy qualities) - the very impurities that for so much of my life caused me to be easily wounded and broken.

I then have two options:

(1) Ask my Creator God, (my blacksmith), to remove them from me, and as a result of their removal, become through that experience, stronger in the knowledge that God is always with me and that whatever situation I'm in at that moment, (no matter how bad), "will pass!"

(2) I also have the option to ignore these defects and simply allow the to just settle back in...or better yet, try on my own strength to make them go away. Both of which I have done on more than one occasion and both of which resulted in nothing changing - remaining fractured and easily broken in those areas.

So, in my final assessment, I have found that the difficult times in which life has thrown, (and continues to throw), challenges my way; By using the principles I've learned, (which connect me to God), I will then have the ability to face and go through ANYTHING that comes my way. It affords me the opportunity to learn what my frailties are and allow God to remove them, ultimately resulting in becoming stronger and not so easily fractured.

Certainly I have not reached a point of rejoicing in the hardships that come along in life, but thankfully I have the knowledge, (which only comes through experience), that during the moments in life which most often produce feelings of confusion, pain and despair; I can look back upon those experiences with reassurance in the knowledge that things will be ok - that things will work out AND that this to shall pass.

(c) 2007-2021 Rebecca Balko

When Life Resembles 52 Card Pick Up!

“Our trip is already 700 miles - are we seriously adding another 400?”; “That movie was so good!”; “What’s her problem? OMG! She gets on my last freakin’ nerve!”; “Did you go to the bank?”; “I feel like I’m so alone!”; “How are we ever going to get all of this done?”; “Can you believe she is in college?”; “It seems like my life is flying by so fast.”; “I’m so proud of her.”; “Why am I here God?”

Sometimes life can feel like a game of 52 card pick up with a timer running, as we scramble through both our thoughts and actions in a seemingly vain attempt to keep up with, manage and make sense of it all. Our decks of cards can vary from finances, health, relationships, marriage, children, work and the day to day grind culminating in our: successes and failures; joys and sorrows; our certainties and uncertainties; and so on. A thin invisible line runs between this aspect of our life and the actual quality, value and purpose of who we are.

When I was a child, I played a game at the pool with my friends called simply, “splash”. When it was my turn to be in the middle and get nailed by everyone surrounding me, water would come at my face from every direction, to the point that the fun would briefly give way to a sense of panic, as the water pelted my eyes and filled my mouth and ears without ceasing…until I remembered to simply just go under the water. It was there that I would experience a reprieve from the unrelenting splashing, chaos and even sound, while the game then moved on to the next recipient, at which point of course, it would once again become a fun game to rejoin.

Life is so magnificent in all that it offers, both the good and the not so good. When asked to define our life and who we are, it can often be hard to do. Most of us would define our life by: What we do; Who we are; and What makes up our daily living. But even then, it can be difficult to use this description and truly feel a peace that it sufficiently defines “me”. Indeed our life can feel like the game of “splash” as it comes from all directions, leading us to desire and in fact need, a moment of reprieve to get centered before returning back to living…with our joy intact.

I read a book entitled “One Month to Live – 30 Days to a No Regrets Life” by Kerry Shook, and participated in a discussion group for a period of six weeks, to take our time and examine the principles outlined in it. It enabled me to look at my life from an angle I’d never considered prior, which was: If I knew for a fact that I had one month left to live, how would I live my life? Normally I wouldn’t want to dwell on that, but the concept of a limited time to live was not presented negatively, but rather in a way that provided an action based explanation of how to truly LIVE!

You see, the truth of that thin line I mentioned earlier, is that it is what distinguishes between existing and truly living. Some of the topics included: Living the Dash, which focused on our tombstone where there are two dates, (birth and death), and in between the two is a dash, and that is the summary of our time on this earth and how we chose to live it; Learn Humbly, which explores how to live fully through our most difficult circumstances – grow from them – and live more wholly because of them; and Living With No Regrets, which looks at living a life that pushes back against “regrets”, to instead focus on taking ALL that we have and ALL that we are, with ALL that God is, to live a life of passion, pursuit and purpose!    One Month to Live Challenge
(c)2017-2021 Rebecca Balko 

Don't Let Your Big Ol "BUT" Get In The Way!

A great deal has been spoken of with regards to the issue of the butt, for example: In the words of the infamous L.L. Cool J in his hit song "Big Old Butts", when he said, "Tina got a big ole butt"; Then we have the legendary Sir Mix-A-Lot, who sang about his preference and moral fortitude when he said, "I like big butts and I can not lie"; Lastly, we have words from a little less known gentleman by the name of Bobby Jimmy and his group, "Bobby Jimmy and the Critters", who shared about his personal experience with having a big butt by saying: "I can't drive because my butts to wide - I got a Big Butt, A Big Butt...Huh!"

It's interesting to note however, that upon looking a the actual definition of the word "butt" - it has nothing to do with one's derriere or buttocks, but rather is used as a slang. I suppose the aforementioned artists would have had a tough time using the appropriate words in their lyrics though, (i.e. - "Tina got a big ole derriere" - ummmm - NO)

There are numerous ways in which the word "butt" is referred to in common sayings that perhaps you've heard or even said, (and are realistically not even possible), such as:

"I'm freezing my butt off!" ~ Seriously?

"You are SUCH a butt!" ~ Is that even possible?

"If I sit one more minute my butt will literally fall off!" ~ Really? - Literally?

Then, there are the motivational statements in which the word "butt" was used in my own adolescence by individuals who wished to motivate me by saying things such as:

"Shape up and get your butt in gear!" (High School Band /Mr. Morrow)
"Stop being a butt-head!" (8th Grade PE/Coach Roberts)
"Quit or I'm going to kick your butt!" (Childhood BFF/Vivian)

However, though you have before you a wealth of information about butts...I am actually going to talk about an entirely different kind of "but" This but is defined as being: Used to introduce a statement that disagrees with something just said". You see, THIS is the kind of but that causes all sorts of problems in our lives. In fact, this but has destroyed friendships, marriages and careers. It has been the cause of suspicion, mistrust and damaged reputations.

Here are some examples:

"I apologize for what I said yesterday, but you really had it coming."
"I'm sorry for talking about you behind your back, but it's not like you've never done it to me!"
"I'm sorry for hitting you, but you really make me mad."
"I'm sorry I lied, but you make me feel like I have to."
"I'm sorry you're hurt, but YOU just take things way to personally."
"I was going to apologize, but it wouldn't do any good because you're such a jerk!"
"I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but neither are you."

Isn't it amazing how easy it is to do this? I mean, I am the first to admit that my but has gotten in the way of getting right with someone many times; Not only that, it has been the number one cause of my failure to take advantage of opportunities to grow and to gain humility. What I have found is that the word but is nothing more than an excuse, or if you will, a way to rationalize, justify or minimize to myself or someone else, my own behavior. Let's face it, we ALL make mistakes and thankfully there is a really easy way out of them, by simply saying, "I apologize".

In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Never ruin an apology with an excuse".

(c) 2014-2021 Rebecca Balko