The Infinite

 

I awoke this monring to my alarm going off with its irritating 'BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!', as my arm spastically felt its way in a blind effort to hit the snooze for the now THIRD time. Rolling over and looking at the clock, I found that I now had approximately 35 minutes to get cleaned up, dressed, put the house together, take care of our dog Zeke and get on the road to work. Jolting up, I turned on the TV as I began my hurried routine, and that's when I heart it - "Today marks the anniversary of 9/11". For just those first few minutes upon awakening, I'd not remembered. I stopped what I was doing, (as my mind began to set aside the trivial issues of the morning), and grasped that quite literally, thousands upon thousands of people knew EXACTLY what today was the MOMENT that they awoke this morning: It was the day that they lost someone they loved - It was the day they witnessed something first hand, that changed them forever - It was the day they survived something that so many other didn't - It was the day they risked everthing for their fellow man. Sitting down a moment, as the gravity of it all sank into my conciousness; I could only pray for them to be comforted and strengthened on this day of memorial.

Certainly everyone was impacted by what happened in this nation Steptember 11, 2001. I don't know anyone who doesn't remember exactly where they were the moment they became aware that passenger airliners were flying or had flown into the World Trade Center - Towers I and II; into the Pentagon; and into a field in Shanksville, PA.

I was in my hotel room by Mobile Bay in Mobile, AL - having just gotten out of the shower and drying my hair when I saw on the television screen, a plane flying into the World Trade Center. I recall initially thinking it was a movie preview and slowly realizing that what I was seeing was real. Turning up the sound, I sat on the corener of the bed and listened as the news anchor, (fighting his own emotion), attempted to articulate what was happening in live time. At that point both towers had been hit. I called family and then went to the lobby of the hotel, as I could not stand to watch what was unfolding alone. Walking towards the lobby I saw about 15 military personnel talking to staff at the front desk and then I saw to my right, a group of people around a television, where I then went to watch what, in a few minutes, would unfold. As the towers collapsed, I remember my ears ringing and I could hear my own crying, (as if distanced from myself), and then, like the volume being turned back up, became aware of the cries and gasps of those around me. What I recall most is that no one was really talking, but rather, total strangers were weeping and simply embracing one another.

I came to realize that what happened in the hotel lobby that morning, was that all of us were being confronted with something infinate and attempting to grasp it with a finite mind. We were witnessing true evil, darkness and depravity on a scale, (that likely in the lifetime of those present), had never been experienced before. I have found that a natural impulse to such senselessly vile acts is to attempt to understand them with our intellect. The truth is however, that our intellect can only go so far in the search for such understanding - but can certainly never fully comprehend the acts of that day or of any other kind of depraved indifference that we see in our world today.

With access to news, information and images 24/7 it is easy to bombard ourselves with this infinite darkness, which makes way and opens the door to feelings of hopelessness, fear, anxiousness, anger and sadness that often leads to a skewed view of the world, our lives and our future.

The truth is though...this is only the darker side of something infinite, because there is another Infinite that is so much greater and so much MORE powerful - which is an infinite God. What do I mean by that? The infiniteness of: Love - which can be seen immediately in the eyes of parents as they bring their little ones into the world and see them for the first time, being filled with an awareness that nothing will EVER matter more to them than this precious little life; Forgiveness - which defies all logic in its ability to truly move beyond circumstances and pains which would be impossible, if not unfathomable; Hope - the very miracle of it! It is what allows the human spirit to prevail through circumstances beyond comprehention, enabling them to rise above and not be bound nor held down by them.

The greatest darkness can be destroyed in an INSTANT by the tiniest amount of light; The deepest resentment can be annihilated with the smallest step towards forgiveness; The loneliest moment of hopelessness can vanish with one small word of encouragment! I think today it behooves us to remember that everyday...ALL DAY...we are surrounded by and have access to the Infinite - Who will always provide unlimited peace, hope and restoration with as little as one request.

(c) 2014-2022 Rebecca Balko

Identifying Beliefs ~ Step 2

 Step 2:   Came to believe that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore us to sanity.

Step two is about having a suspicion that God can restore wholeness.  (This is different than having “knowledge” that this is true, based on results attained by actions that have been taken).  ALL spiritual growth begins with the cornerstone of first having a suspicion that taking certain actions will somehow be beneficial to us. *In other words…to take Step 2 it is not necessary to “know” or have “faith” that (A) Got will OR (B) that God can restore sanity (wholeness)…rather it is only needed to have a ”belief” (i.e. ~ a suspicion) that it is “possible.” It is in this step that willingness comes into play.

We look now at the first part of Step 2: Came to believe…and here there are definitions to understand the context of what IS happening and what is NOT happening as this step is taken.  It can be said that when we decide to begin the steps we first “came” into a place of learning. As we proceeded we “came to” a place of understanding. To better understand this, we will look at definitions and scripture to put this principle in context.

The very beginning of Step 2 is stating, (not in the present tense – we are coming to – but rather in the past tense), that “We came to…”.

Came to          -           To waken; To raise up; Arrive at; Reach a conclusion

Why would it read this way? Because before we approached this step we determined two important things:

 (1) The area in which we have powerlessness

(2) The unmanageability in our lives, resulting from that powerlessness

This information brings us from a point of lacking reason to hope for real change, to a place of “coming to” or waking up! Next we look at what we are waking up to…and that is to BELIEVE. It is important here to unpack this word and how in this context it differs from the word “faith”.

Suspicion         -           A feeling (or belief) that something is true; a belief

Believe            -           To think/suspect that something is true or correct

OR

Belief               -           The feeling of being certain that something exists or is true

To believe (or have belief) – is to have a suspicion strong enough that it results in taking action. When Step 2 says, “We came to believe…” it is saying that we have reached a point where we have begun learning information, hearing about and gaining hope from others, and have a suspicion that moving forward will be good for us.

ALL spiritual growth begins with the cornerstone of “belief”…because we do not pursue spiritual matters unless we FIRST suspect they will be beneficial.

 On the other hand we have the word “faith” - definition:

 Faith                -           A high degree of trust or confidence; requires action

When there is not a clear understanding in the subtle difference between the words “belief and faith” in the context of this important step, it can cause misunderstanding and a lack of progress in a forward direction:  

 You are looking at the area(s) you have identified in your life that you:

(a) Are powerless over

(b) Have unmanageability with

At a point, you begin, ( or began), to realize that though you’ve tried many times to come to terms with an area(s) (or) to overcome it all together – it has been with limited, to no lasting success. When this is the reality experienced, we cannot yet have a “high degree of trust or confidence” that this new effort is going to bring about lasting change (and) the “actions” we’ve taken up until now have not resulted in the long term outcome we have been seeking.

So by definition we are not at a place yet of “faith”. In fact, what we are dealing with is sometimes actually “doubt”:

 Doubt              -           A feeling of uncertainty; to feel uncertain about

Thankfully, to proceed in Step 2 it is not necessary to yet have “faith” (by the definition given) – but rather to simply “believe” (which allows room to simultaneously be experiencing doubt in the midst of it), and continue forward through the steps, which will change what began as simply a belief, transforming it to faith in action!

Next we move to the middle portion of Step 2: …that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore us to sanity.

Now, it is safe to say that intellectually we all know that God is greater…but then if we knew it to our very core – would we ever take things back that we give to Him in an effort to fix them ourselves? NOPE! But then that is the dilemma of being human – just as a child will think that they don’t need their parent, so too will we struggle with our Creator God. It is helpful to have a point of context that enables us to understand better and in a “results based” manner, this truth and this is one:       

Mankind is finite: Having bounds or limits; Subject to limits or conditions; Limited

God is infinite: Immeasurably great; indefinite; unlimited; boundless; Limitless

The next portion of Step 2 is…could restore us to sanity: “Could” ~ which means it’s up to YOU - to invite Him into your situation.

Restore           -           Overhaul; Reinstate; Repair; Reestablish; Rebuild; Bring back

Last we take a look at the final aspect of Step 2 which references “Sanity”. First we will look at two words:

Sanity              -           Which comes from the Latin word – sanitus – which means “complete or whole”

Insanity           -           Which comes from the Latin word – insanitus – “incomplete or not whole”                                   

Another common definition of insanity is: Repeating the same failed actions and expecting different results.

Putting all of this information together now: Step 2 – We came to suspect that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore wholeness to our lives.

What to do: (This is something you can work on in your own time and if you would like a prayer – see #3)

 

1. What areas of your life are not whole?
2. Do you suspect that an infinite God can restore wholeness to you?
3. Prayer: God, in your infinite mercy and grace I come to you believing that you can restore wholeness in this area of my life and I ask that you would be with me in the steps ahead – Thank you – amen

   

                                                                                           © 2015-2022 Rebecca Balko

THE MIRACLE

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

Across the sky of twilight dawn

A vague evidence of luminescence lingering

Brings mysterious curiosity

Of a universe beyond my reach

So infinite it easily consumes my limited imagination

  

With the vastness of a stellar constellation

And the preciseness of its meticulous order

I can find within my own mind

No sense of uncertainty, but rather the knowledge

Of an existing and sovereign plan to this creation

 

Gazing my eyes upward

I feel a sense of my very being

Engulfed in its infinite mystique

As the vast darkness reaches inward

Toward the farthest edges of my mind

Filling me with a certain warmth that can not be described

As I stand alone, staring, ~ entranced almost ~

There is a coolness in the air that causes my breath to mist,

I see before me a glowing stellar light

That above all others seems to call out in simple humility ~

To be remembered…to be thought of…

 

It is this glowing mystery of creation

That brings to me a sacred reminder… of another ~ so long ago

That served as direction for those so blessed – as to witness the Miracle...

The Miracle that would forever change, so simply…

An ever complicating world

 

          I close my searching eyes and try as best I can

                 …To picture within my own mind

                          ~ The night that birth was given to a King ~

How the angelic hosts must have sang with joy!

On that most silent of nights, in a humble manger…

Warmed only by hay and animals gentle breath

 

A night when Peace did enter this world as flesh…A gift so freely given…

I try to imagine the mist that must have also come from His breath,

As gifts were given by some of the mightiest & most powerful of men

Who on that night… could stand only in humble awe…

Gazing in silence, with tear filled eyes ~ at the Miracle…

                                                                                 

As I open my eyes, I can feel the dulling pain rising in my throat

And the chill, as the wind brushes my moistened face ~

Allowing myself to give in to this,

I feel my very soul warmed by His majestic hand…

 

Standing still…weeping…

I know that I am not alone ~ for my Father stands with me,

His gentle voice speaking to the secret place of my heart…

 

         ~I will show to you my child, the universe which I created…

 

                     I will reveal to you, it’s mysterious wonder… 

 

                                   And the star…it is a reminder…

 

                                            ~ That the Miracle is with you always~

                                                                                   

Rebecca Balko

© 1990-2022

The Infinite ~ Remembering 9/11

I awoke this morning to my alarm going off with its irritating "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!", as my arm in a most spastic fashion, felt its way in a blind effort to his the snooze for now the THIRD time. Rolling over and looking at the clock, I found that I now had approximately 35 minutes to get cleaned up, dressed, get the house put together, take care of our dog Zeke and get on the road to work. Jolting up, I turned on the TV as I began my hurried routine, and that's when I heard it - "Today marks the anniversary of 9/11". For just those first few minutes upon awakening, I'd not remembered. I stopped what I was doing, (as my mind began to set aside the trivial issues of the morning), and grasped that quite literally, thousands upon thousands of people knew EXACTLY what today was the MOMENT that they awoke this morning: It was a day they survived something that so many others didn't - It was a day they risked everything for their fellow man. Sitting down a moment, as the gravity of it all sank into my consciousness; I could only pray for them to be comforted and strengthened on this day of memorial.

Certainly everyone was impacted by what happened in the nation September 11, 2001. I don't know anyone who doesn't remember exactly where they were the moment they became aware that passenger airliners were flying or had flown into the World Trade Center's - Tower I and Tower II; into the Pentagon; and into a field in Shanksville, PA.

I was in my hotel room by Mobile Bay in Mobile, AL, having just gotten out of the shower and drying my hair when I saw on the television screen, a plane flying into the World Trade Center. I recall initially thinking it was a movie preview and slowly realizing that what I was seeing was real. Turning up the sound, I sat on the corner of the bed and listened  a the news anchor, (fighting his own emotion), attempted to articulate what was happening in live time. At that point both towers had been hit. I called family and then went to the lobby of the hotel; as I could not stand to watch what was unfolding alone. Walking toward the lobby I saw about 15 military personnel talking to staff at the front desk and then I saw to my right, a group of people around a television, where I then went to watch what, in a few minutes, would unfold. As the towers collapsed, I remember my ears ringing and I could hear my own crying, (as if distanced from myself), and then, (like the volume being turned back up), became aware of the cries and gasps of those around me. What I recall most is that no one was really talking, but rather, total strangers were weeping and simply embracing one another.

I came to realize that what happened in that hotel lobby that morning, was that all of us were being confronted with something infinite and attempting to grasp it with our finite mind. We were witnessing true evil, darkness and depravity on a scale, (that likely in the lifetime of those present), had never been experienced before. I have found that a natural impulse to such senselessly vile acts is to attempt to understand it with the use of our intellect. The truth is however, that our intellect can only go so far in the search for such understanding - but can certainly never fully comprehend the acts of that day or of any other kind of depraved indifference that we see in our world today.

With access to news, information and images 24/7, it is easy to bombard ourselves with the infinite darkness, which makes way and opens the door to feelings of hopelessness, fear, anxiousness, anger and sadness - that often lead to a skewed view of the world, our lives and our future.

The truth is though...this is only the darker side of something infinite, because there is another Infinite that is so much greater and so much MORE powerful - which is an infinite God. What do I mean by that? The infiniteness of: Love - which can be seen immediately in the eyes of parents as they bring their little ones into the world and see them for the first time, being filled with an awareness that nothing will EVER matter more to them than this precious little life; Forgiveness - which defies all logic in its ability to truly move beyond circumstances and acts which would seem impossible, if not unfathomable; Hope - the miracle of it! It is what allows the human spirit to prevail through circumstances beyond comprehension, enabling them to rise above and not be bound or held down by them.

The greatest darkness can be destroyed in an INSTANT by the tiniest amount of light; The deepest resentment can be annihilated with the smallest step towards forgiveness; The loneliest moment of hopelessness can vanish with one small world of encouragement! I think today it behooves us to remember that everyday...ALL DAY...we are surrounded by and have access to the Infinite - Who will always provide unlimited peace, hope and restoration with as little as one request.

©2014-2021 Rebecca Balko

THE INFINITE

I awoke this morning to my alarm going off with its irritating, "BEEP!..BEEP!..BEEP!", as my arm spastically felt its way in a blind effort to hit the snooze for now the THIRD time. Rolling over and looking at the clock, I found that I now had approximately 35 minutes to get cleaned up, dressed, get the house put together, take care of our dog Zeke and get on the road to work. Jolting up, I turned on the TV as I began my hurried routing, and that's when I heard it -- "Today marks the anniversary of 9/11". For just those first few minutes upon awakening, I'd not remembered. I topped what I was doing, (as my mind began to set aside the trivial issues of the morning), and grasped that quite literally, thousands upon thousands of people knew EXACTLY what today was the MOMENT that they awoke this morning: It was a day that they lost someone they loved - It was a day they witnessed something first hand, that changed them forever - It was a day they survived something that so many others didn't - It was a day they risked everything for their fellow man. Sitting down a moment, as the gravity of it all sank into my consciousness; I could only pray for them to be comforted and strengthened on this day of memorial. 

Certainly everyone was impacted by what happened in this nation September 11, 2001. I don't know anyone who doesn't remember exactly where they were the moment they became aware that passenger airliners were flying or had flown into the World Trade Center - Towers I and II; into the Pentagon; and into a field in Shanksville, PA.

I was in my hotel room by Mobile Bay, in Mobile, AL, having just gotten out of the shower and drying my hair, when I saw on the television screen, a plane flying into the World Trade Center. I recall initially thinking it was a movie preview and slowly realizing that what I was seeing was real. Turning up the sound, I sat on the corner of the bed and listened, as they new anchor, (fighting how own emotion), attempted to articulate what was happening in live time. At that point both towers had been hit. I called family and then went to the lobby of the hotel; as I could not stand to watch what was unfolding alone. 

Walking towards the lobby I saw about 15 military personnel talking to staff at the front desk and then I saw to my right, a group of people around a television, where I went to watch, what in a few moments would be the greatest tragedy I ever witnessed until then, unfold. As the towers collapsed, I remember my ears ringing and I could hear my own crying, (as if distanced from myself), and then, (like the volume being turned back up), became aware of the cries and gasps of those around me. What I recall most is that no one was really talking, but rather, total strangers were weeping and simply embracing one another.

I came to realize that what happened in the hotel lobby that morning, was that all of us were being confronted with something infinite and trying to grasp it with a finite mind. We were witnessing true evil, darkness and depravity on a scale, (that likely in the lifetime of those present), had never been experienced before. I have found that a natural impulsive response to such senselessly vile acts is to attempt to understand it with the use of our intellect. The truth is however, our intellect can only go so far in the search for such understanding - but can certainly never fully comprehend the acts of that day or of any other kind of depraved indifference that we see in our world today.

With access to news, information and images 24/7 it is easy to bombard ourselves with this infinite darkness, which makes way and opens the door to feelings of hopelessness, fear, anxiousness, anger and sadness that often lead to a skewed view of the world, our lives and our future.

The truth is though...this is only the darker side of something infinite, because there is another Infinite that is so much greater and so much MORE powerful - which is an Infinite God. What do I mean by that? The infiniteness of: Love - which can be seen immediately in the eyes of parents as they bring their little ones into the world and see them for the first time, being filled with an awareness that nothing will EVER matter more to them than this precious little life; Forgiveness - which defies all logic in its ability to truly move beyond circumstances and acts which would seem impossible, if not unfathomable; Hope - which is the miracle of it! It is what allows the human spirit to prevail through circumstances beyond comprehension, enabling them to rise above and not be bound or held down by them.

The greatest darkness can be dispelled in an INSTANT by the tiniest amount of light; The deepest resentment can be annihilated with the smallest step towards forgiveness; The loneliest moment of hopelessness, can vanish with one small word of encouragement! I think today it behooves us to remember that everyday...ALL DAY...we are surrounded by, and have access to, the Infinate - Who will always provide unlimited peace, hope and restoration with as little as one spoken request.

(c) 2014-2021 Rebecca Balko