FINDING BALANCE WITH the EMOTIONS of RESENTMENT and FEAR (Part 1)

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Step 4:  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

In Step 4 we begin the first of 9 action-based steps, that will be taken WITH God, to bring about personal accountability, repentance, (sincere regret or remorse), and healing - leading to a deeper intimacy with our Creator through the identification of experiences and personal role in the areas of: Resentment; Fear; Pride; and Sex. This week we will be looking at the areas of Resentment and Fear. Before we do though, we will first look at what is happening in the course of this particular step, through breaking it down, by defining key words such as:

Searching:  To examine carefully or thoroughly in order to discover; To look into, question or scrutinize; To look at or beneath the superficial aspects of in order to discover motive, reaction, feeling and basic truth.

Fearless:    Without fear; Not afraid

Moral:         Founded on the fundamental principles of right conduct rather than legalities, enactment or custom.

Inventory:  A detailed list of articles, goods, property, etc...(history) identifying: work in progress; Finished goods and stock; Comes from the Latin, (Inventus/Invenire), which means: 'To come upon or find'.

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So to summarize: In Step 4 we are going to fearlessly search out things that have occurred in our lives, as well as our own conduct, identifying those various aspects of our lives in order to determine the parts that are healthy or unhealthy, and then what to do with what is found. I will point out here that although this step does not directly say 'God is part of it'...it is implied through the wording of the step itself.

Explanation:    As a human being I have 4 instinctual emotions, (Given to me by my Creator at birth: Resentment/ Fear/ Pride and Sex), and each of these I am fully capable of experiencing without relying upon God. HOWEVER...these emotions left unbalanced lead to problems, (which we will discuss further shortly), and so we NEED the qualities of God to have balance. God's qualities are: Love; Patience; Tolerance; Courage; Humility; and Wisdom. So for me to be able to 'fearlessly' inventory my past conduct and perhaps, painful things that have happened to me, (that up until now I may or may not have dealt with), I am going to need Courage...(i.e. ~ I am going to need GOD!)

So today we will begin by looking at the first of these instinctual emotions known as: Resentment - which comes from the Latin Prefix (re), which means again, (as to repeat) and (sentire), which means to feel. When we are experiencing resentment, we are actually 're-playing' in our mind what happened to us and 're-feeling' that experience. The reason that this emotion, when left unbalanced, can be so harmful, is that what we are actually doing in our mind, is attempting to change the past. You see, we don't resent the future, (because it hasn't happened), and we can't resent the present, (it's not possible). We can only resent the past.  So a person ends up in an unhealthy loop of emotion with no solution available to them because there is NO going back in time.  

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There are 3 types of Resentment:  

 

(1) Resentment - outside of self

(2) Self-Resentment - comes from unresolved resentment and is when our anger is turned inward

(3) Self Pity - is the final phase of unresolved self-resentment, where self-imposed emotional and/or physical isolation begins. (i.e. - Poor me! Poor me! Pour me another drink!)

Unhealthy resentment stems from an 'emotion led' way of living: (Reactions, Emotions and Feelings), as opposed to an 'action led' way of living: (Actions, Thinking, Reasoning and Planning)

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that resentment is the number one offender that destroys more alcoholics than anything else. But that truth is not limited to alcoholics - it is for everyone! Think about it...when you have harbored anger and bitterness, did it lead to fullness in your life or a lack of it? The destruction from resentment can be seen in broken families and friendships, lost jobs and dreams, etc...

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You might be thinking, "Well, it sounds like resentment is not a good thing - so why would God give it to us?" There actually is a God given purpose for resentment and that was for our survival and to make us competitive - so that we might have success and fulfillment in our lives. (Survival Example: When a newborn is hungry or in need, what does it do? It gets angry and cries until someone figures out what it needs and takes care of it. The baby is not concerned with how tired the caregiver is or what else is going on. It has a need that it can't communicate or take care of and it will get angrier and angrier until that need is met. This design was to ensure the child would survive. / Competitive Example: If someone wanted a job and was qualified for a promotion, but didn't prepare and lost the opportunity to someone less qualified who did prepare...the healthy response would be knowing that the failure was due to lack of personal preparation, (identifying the problem) and determination to be prepared when the next opportunity came, (corrective action). 

*The actions of love, tolerance and patience balance the emotion of resentment* 

In the inventory we identify FOUR areas:

 

(1) The people, principles or institutions with whom we have had resentment

(2) What each one did/caused

(3) Its effect on your: self-esteem; personal or sex relations; pride; security; ambitions; pocket book

(4) Where we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened. 

-- Often we actually do the first three columns without a problem, and this alone fuels negative resentment. The REASON that column four is so important, is that while we have no control over other people, institutions, past wrongs, etc...the ONE THING that we DO have the ability to change is ourselves. For EACH area that we can find our role, (no matter how obscure), we then gain the ability to bring about change in this area of our life.

The way this is accomplished is through the act of  sincere regret/remorse; ownership and accountability before God and having reliance upon God - which will happen in the Fifth Step. (Both contributing greatly to our growth in intimacy with God and others)

NEXT we look at the area of FEAR:

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Fear:    To be afraid or frightened of; To be uneasy or apprehensive about.

There are 3 types of Fear:

(1) Guilt:   Fear of the past, (of what will happen because of something I've done - personal responsibility), and is not to be confused with Remorse which is: moral anguish arising from remorse for past misdeeds /regret

(2) Dread:  The fear of the future  (the unknown)

(3) Procrastination:  To put off / Fear of failure

In looking at this again, one might question - 'How can fear be a good thing?' bur the truth is, that God, (in His wisdom), gave us this emotional instinct of fear for the purpose of protection. Without balance, we will not use fear for this purpose, but will end up 'over using' it - and rather than protecting ourselves, we will instead do one of two things: over react (OR) under react.     

In the Bible there is a book called Job, who had this to say about fear: What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me; I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.  

**ALL fear is rooted in our lack of faith - A faith that will grow as we take this journey with God**  

The healthy use of fear is when it leads to COURAGE, that bring about the ACTION needed to RESOLVE what is causing the fear to begin with. The reason that this instinctual God given fear is good, is that it causes us to even take action in going to our Creator for solutions - thereby growing in intimacy with Him.

The inventory will be done the same way except that it will be listing the person, institution or principles that caused the fear.

WHAT TO DO:   

(1)  (When you're ready) Commit to daily work on your inventory sheets.

***This should NOT be done until you have thoroughly completed steps 1-2 AND have an accountability partner/sponsor/ OR someone you trust to talk to***

(2)  EACH TIME before writing on your inventory, pray: God, I ask that you would give me the wisdom, ability and courage to recall and write what You would bring to my mind. I offer myself to you completely and thank you for your faithfulness in this process ~ Amen    

(c) 2015-2024 Rebecca Balko                                                      

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

 

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

Do you recognize this guy? If you've been around Mandala any time at all, most likely you do! But for those who don't know, this is Tim Roberto and once you meet him, you will not soon forget him. Tim is a charasmatic, personable and soulful guy with a huge heart. Once you begin a conversation with him you are guarenteed to walk away with a bit more than you arrived with. Tim embarked on an incredible journey that was born out of a moment with God in a private walk that led to months of training and all culminating in a 20 mile walk from Boynton Beach, FL to Deerfield Beach, FL, to raise awareness in 'Stomping Out the Stigma' that comes with both addiction and mental illness and raising proceeds for a wonderful organization: 1 Brother 1 Sister, (which provides training and resources to First Responders in the areas of addiction and mental health).  I am priveleged to work with Tim and to have been given the opportunity to sit down with him and get the story of how this call came to be...

(Question:)  So Tim, what happend that led you to accomplish this goal and to raise money and awareness for Addiction and Mental Health?

(Tim)  It began one day while I was on a walk with me and God. I was coming up on my 15th Anniversary from active addiction. I wanted to do something that would matter and comemorate this and God told me, "Take it back to where you got sober", and for me, that was in Deerfield. 

(Question:)  Wow ~ 15 years in recovery is awesome! What led you to make that decision?

(Tim)  I had been in active addiction for 33 years prior to that. I'd say my pain finally outgrew the fear in my life. Thank God for the pain!

(Question:)  After you had this experience with God, did you begin planning this event
right away after that?

(Tim)  No. I learned long ago to not just jump when ideas come, but to wait and give it time ~ so that is what I did. I had been jogging some time later and and saw how many miles I had run and about then another thought came to me, (I know from God), that said, "Tim, I love you ~ you have time to bring awareness." and then the words "First Responders" came to me. But it still wasn't clear and I wasn't trying to hurry. 

(Question:)  So what happened that made it all come together for you?

(Tim) About a week later I was at the Beachcomer at a funraiser dinner for First Responders being hosted by Karyn Hurley, who is the Co-Founder of 'One Brother One Sister' and who lost her own brother, (a Firefighter and Veteran), due to addiction and suicide. I realized as I listened to her, that THIS is who I was to do this for ~ still gives me chills how God works. But I STILL didn't take action on it just yet. 

(Question:)  Did you go talk to her about your thoughts at that event?

(Tim) Actually, no. I was still waiting on direction. I didn't know Karyn and didn't feel it was time to approach her. About another week later I was in Port St. Lucie for the opening of a detox center and saw her again there. I felt this was the sign and so I approached her and explained everything that had happened leading up to this moment.

(Question:)  That is so crazy that she was there. So what happened? How did she respond to what you shared with her?

(Tim) She cried and so did I! There was another person at that event, a friend of mine named Deena, (who is a therapist), and without hesitation she said, "I'm doing the food! Me and my sister." I said, "I don't know how many people could end up coming." To which she just replied, "Doesn't matter ~ We are cooking!" 

(Question:)  What was it like putting this event all together?

(Tim) It all all really just came together very easily. I got several speakers that included a Trauma Therapist; Recovering First Responder, a Pastor and the Family member of a First Responder with addiction. They did a tremendous job!  We had over 50 people come to this first event and raised over $6000.00!

  

(Question:)  What was training like? Had you ever done anything like this before?

(Tim) I had never done anything like this before and training was pretty intense. I trained from January until April. About 2 weeks prior to the event it was suggested that I give my feet a break and stop training until event time. About a week prior I did that - however that didn't work out to well because my feet ended up pretty blistered. 

(Question:)  What were the people like who came and participated in the walk?

(Tim) They were all different people. Some were like me and this was all new to them. Some traveled to come do this walk and were really good at it.

(Question:)  Is this part of how you keep your own recovery strong?

(Tim) Part of the recipe for remaining in recovery rests in service to others for sure.

(Question:)  Do you plan on this being a one time event, or do you plan on making it annual?

(Tim) Oh, I FOR SURE plan on this happening again next year...however I'm thinking of something more like a 5K, so that more people will come join in this life changing cause!

If you would like to be a supporter of: One Brother One Sister, you can use this link: Addicted Communities Coalition

YOU ARE DEARLY LOVED!!

 

Photo by: Mayur Gala

Love: A strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 

Love is an interesting word isn’t it? I mean the word “love” is used for so many things these days. For example; “I love chocolate cake!” I mean I REALLY love it! Have you ever met someone that you didn’t know that well, but maybe they were really funny and as you spoke about them you said, “Man…I love that guy!”? We love people, TV shows and music. We love certain types of cars, places that we go and things that we do. So the word 'love' in and of its self isn’t always necessarily used to represent deep and meaningful things.

While I am quite guilty of using the word love in this manner, it wasn’t until a short while back that I really thought about it. About how, by using the word love to describe things that were, (for all intents and purposes), 'trivial' in my life, I was perhaps taking away from what love really is. So I got to looking into it. I heard a speaker many years ago get up to speak at a meeting; She introduced herself and then said something I had never heard before. She said, “My name is Rebecca and I am the beloved of God.” I have to say, that although I had no idea exactly what she meant by that, I REALLY liked it! It just sounded … special. About a year ago I began to research this very topic of 'Love”, being “Loved” and being the “Beloved”; what I found was quite profound for myself and I hope may  perhaps be the same for someone else reading this.

The Greek had four words for love and they are as follows;

I.       Eros            -        Erotic love (sexual love)

II.      Storge         -        Family love (Love within a family)

III.     Phila           –        Brotherly friendship and affection.

IV.     Agape         –        Perfect love

Now Agape love is what really caught my eye. Its definition was quite long and required more than just a casual “read through”. (see below)

Love that loves without changing. Self giving w/out expecting re-payment. So great it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. It loves even when rejected. It loves because it wants to. Agape love has little to do with emotion, but has much to do with self denial for the sake of another.

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

I have found and experienced Agape love in only a few instances; I experienced it with God, within the Fellowship, have received it from my parents, and experienced it towards the children in my life & towards other people in my life. You know for me, my first really personal concept of God came through my stepson at that time. I thought, “Why do we have kids?” I came to believe that it was the one physical way for me to experience even a glimpse, of how God views me. I mean, is there really anything your child could do to actually make you “love” them more than you already do? Could they REALLY do anything that would cause you to “love” them less? Of course not! You love them because they are yours! Sure…they can make you proud or even disappointed…but the love simply is what it is…Agape.

So we know what the definition of love is and the various ways in which we love. But what about 'Being Loved'…just how do we feel loved? Well, we feel loved by what we see, what we hear and how we are treated. If I’m confiding in someone and while doing this they are TOTALLY blowing me off…I’m not going to feel very loved. I would most likely be feeling rather insignificant at that moment. But let’s say that this person is TOTALLY listening to me, sharing with me, encouraging me and supporting me…I am going feel really different – I am going to feel loved.

But then we have that word ~BELOVED...

~ To be dearly loved, most treasured, adored, cherished. (A deep level of intimacy) 

Image by Jess Bailey from Pixabay

When I first read that I thought, “You know, there are people in my life who are TRULY my beloved and there is NOTHING that I would not do for them.”  But then I looked at it,(remembering what that speaker had said so long ago), “I am the beloved of God”. Such an easy idea, that for me, was SO HARD to grasp! My heart leapt as I read those words again, realizing that 'I' am God’s beloved. Through all my acts of self-centeredness and selfishness, I was dearly loved…through my many acts of defiance and rebellion, I was most treasured…through my collapse into self destruction, I was adored… and through my brokenness, I was cherished! Realizing I can never 'do' anything SO GOOD as to make God love me more…nor can I ever 'do' anything SO BAD as to cause God to love me less…God loves me because I am His! I am the beloved.

Martin Luther King said this:

“Agape is understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill towards all men. Agape is an overflowing love which seeks nothing in return. Theologians would say that it is the love of God operating in the human heart. When you rise to love on this level, you love all men not because you like them, not because their ways appeal to you, but you love them because God loves them.”

In my own recovery, something quite interesting began. While I initially came to understand and see myself as God’s beloved…something happened…a change in my heart… God became my beloved as well.

I thought with us coming upon our national holiday where we celebrate love and those with whom we have it; I would make this contribution to the word itself and share in the joy of that awakening ~ that I first came to believe and have now come to know…We are God’s Beloved and are DEARLY LOVED!                                          

©2008-2022 Rebecca Balko

FALLEN HEROES NEVER DIE

 

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I like to start by qualifying ~ my clean date is 11/11/20. I was born and raised in South Jersey, I'm 1 of 4 children and I am a twin. I grew up in an Italian Catholic household. My parents are not addicts or alcoholics, however they still had all the same behaviors, and so to me, I thought it was normal. Everything was picture perfect on the outside but on the inside everything was chaotic. From the age of 7 until 14, I was sexually molested by my older brother and paternal grandfather; Which at the time I didn't know was wrong. I knew it didn't feel right, but thought that was what everyone did, so I never said anything. By the time I was 8 I was self mutilating. I didn't know why I was doing that at the time, I just knew it felt better than everything else. I went through the motions of activing like a happy child, when really, I was dying inside - in silence. 

I went through school and partied on the weekends like any other normal teenager, till I found myself in the woods huffing, but not thinking I had a problem. I graduated high school and wanted to go into the military, but because I messed my knee up playing field hockey that was no longer an option. So I joined the Fire Department. I knew as a child I wanted to lead a life of service and to help others. I rose pretty quickly in a man's world. When 9/11/01 happened we got called upon to report to NYC. Our orders were to report to the staging area across the river, and that we would help with fire and EMS in the lower Manhattan area. I was a rescue tech on NJTF1, which is a urban search and rescue team. We got called upon while at the staging area and I would reamin at ground zero for 4 weeks - searching - but found no one viable. It was at that time I realized we had to play God - it was up to us who lived and died, and as a 20 year old, it was an extremely heavy burden to carry. When someone is begging you to save their life and you can't, it changes you. 

At 25 I met my husband and we had a son, who is the light of my life! But sadly, not even my love for him could save me. I was a very large girl weighing 300 pounds. I was pre diabetic, hypertensive and just overall, not healthy. I decided to get gastric bypass surgery which I would later come to find, was the worst mistake of my life. After that surgery I traded cupcakes for percocet and I could not stop. I lost drastic weight and ended up at 85 pounds dying from malnutrition. When I ran out of pain meds a 'friend' gave me something in my picc line which was the 'big H'. I did not enjoy it said, "I cant do that". I stuck with that decision...until the next day when I found I needed more and more and more. This continued for 10 years. 

I still worked my job and felt I was the ultimate hypocrit. I would narcan people at work then shoot up when I got home. After my addiction had gotten really bad, I ended up quitting my job after 20 years and left it all, 'cause I just didn't wanna hurt anyone. I had never thought that I had a problem at all because I was, for a really long time, the functional addict. I believed all the lies I would tell myself, as well as those my disease said to me. Ultimately addiction caused me to love Heroin more than my husband, my son, my family and myself. I would do practically anything to get it. It was just always there for me...no matter what. 

In the summer of 2018 I was held hostage for 4 days by my drug dealer at gun point, chained to a table like an animal, while I was voliated and raped for 4 days - absolutely dehumanized and ultimately I was shot. I don't remember how I got away ~ but I did. When I got to my car where I could use my phone, I found that not one person had called...not even my mom who I talked to everyday. They were all just simply tired of my shit and were waiting to get that phone call that I was dead. It was at that moment, I realized I needed to take a break and stop using for a while. I knew nothing about recovery, so I thought it was use drugs or death.

Thankfully, I got help from my mom and was set up to go to Florida for detox. I got on a plane the very next day. When I threw out my paraphernalia I actually cried...it was like saying good bye to an old friend at the time, though I thought was just going to be for a while. When I landed in Florida, I was withdrawing really bad and was so sick in my mind that I asked the man who picked me up, (who was from the detox program I was going to), to take me to a dealer. Ultimately, my plan was to do 30 days and then go back home to continue to use. I ended up spending 77 days in treatment and I took the suggestion to keep on and I absolutely fought tooth and nail to stay in florida. I ended up going to a half way house, that I knew nothing about and at one point found myself walking down the highway crying, not knowing what to do with my life off drugs. 

It was at that time, I gave myself two options: to either use drugs again or jump in front of a truck. Well, the good news is...I stayed clean for 8 months that time. BUT...I thought I knew what was best for me and I didn't get a sponsor or work the steps because...'I knew it all'. I was really a huge asshole. Well, needless to say ~ I used again! When I went back to treatment then next time, they believed I had had a stroke and so I was sent to the hospital, where they found a malformation in my brain, that came from 9/11 and 20 years of fighting fire. I had experienced symptoms for years, but blamed them on the drugs. So, July 2019 I had brain surgery.  Three weeks after that, I got word from my sister that my mom was in the hospital and a day later, I was on a one way flight back to Jersey to be with my mom and family. I was there two days and my mom passed away. Which was my biggest fear and biggest reservation, but I didn't use and I came back to Florida. 

I was in a fog for weeks. The world no longer spins right without my mom in it.  To this day I miss her. The whole year of 2019 I had four brain surgeries and a stroke. At the time of my stroke, the Dr. said he didn't know if I would make it through the surgery...but I did!  I went through a lot of detox because my dr didn't want me to end up going back out, because I was on some heavy pain meds. I lived homeless and clean for a while, but then used again. I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life on and off drugs and in and out of treatment. I've really met some amazing people on this three year journey. In 2020 I did alot of stupid things and one was trying to kill myself because I just didn't see a way out. My last relapse was really bad I didn't think it could get worse...but it did. I don't even remember two weeks of my life, but ended up back at detox yet again, really not knowing how I got there. At that time my soul was dead...I was just utterly dead inside. 

When I got out of treatment I went into sober living. This time felt different...it wasn't a decision not to use, but rather a feeling that I had, that 'I have had enough'. The pain had just gotten to be too much. What I did was, I listened... I got a sponsor and I started to honestly work the steps for once. In fact, I didn't change just one thing ~ I changed everything. I have met some people in this journey that will be with me forever! I put one foot in front of the other and just simply did the next right thing. At the sober house I was at, the manager position opened up and I was asked if I would like to do it...and so I did...and for the first time in a long time, I had purpose and was helping people again ~ just in a different capacity. I celebrated a year on 11/11/21. 

This year, yet challenging at times and so hard ~ I just wanted to give up ~ but I didn't! I surrounded myself with strong sober women and they showed me the way! Working with a sponsor and doing steps is the absolute way to freedom! I now am the Operations Manager for my sober living community and have people in my life that truly care about me. In fact, they surprised me and all my girls that I live with, by putting their money together, and flew my sister and my son here so they could celebrate my anniversary with me!! I am eternally grateful for the people I have in my life today. Without true recovery there would be no story to tell. It took me 3yrs to get this year, but I'm grateful for the struggles I have had  because I wouldn't be me today without them. I'm excited to see what year two will bring, but I live in the moment most of the time 'cause that is what works for me.

 Hope you all stay blessed...

Stephanie Dixon

WINDS OF CHANGE

 

Photo by Annie Nyle on Unsplash

Standing in the sun room, my bare feet warmed by heat radiating from the Spanish tiles that had been absorbing the sun’s rays all morning through the windows just above, I gazed out and couldn’t help but think that summer seems to go by faster and faster with each passing year. My mother, (laughingly), told me some time back, “Rebecca it feels like that because you’re getting older!” There is some truth to that; I remember as a little girl it felt like time would just d-r-a-g on and on for what seemed like forever, leaving me consumed with the urge to hurry in order to not miss out on ANYTHING, yet as an adult I’ve found that time does seem to pass by just a bit faster each year, leaving me longing for it to slow down…if even the smallest bit, so as not to miss even one precious moment of anything. Of course, here in South Florida, it is a bit harder to differentiate seasons as they approach, due to the fact that there are no Autumn leaves, nor that particular “feel” the night air gets this time of year, when the coolness causes the air to feel somehow – cleaner. Most I notice an absence of the scent in the air itself that seemed to come with Fall during the years I lived in Alabama, which was the faint aroma of chimney smoke that drifted in the evening breeze.

Autumn was always a time of fascination and enjoyment growing up. I can remember as a child going into the woods, with all of the many colored leaves covering the ground like a woven patchwork quilt. When the wind would begin to pick up, the trees produced a sound much different than what you would hear in the summertime when they were full of their foliage. It was more of a haunted moaning, with echoed sounds that would pierce the lonesome silence of the forest, as their upper trunks bent with the shifting breeze, capturing the remaining leaves that had not yet fallen to blanket the ground that eagerly awaited them.

What interests me is “why” Fall occurs. You know, there actually is a reason for it and a purpose for why each aspect of nature happens as it does. For instance, in the fall, trees stop making chlorophyll and this causes the green leaves to fade, giving way to the red, yellow, orange and browns of autumn. Late in this season, most of the leaves of deciduous trees have fallen off. This happens because it is nature’s way of protecting the tree during the winter months. In the winter, trees get very little water through their roots. If the leaves were to remain, the water would then escape as water vapor through the leaves. This way the tree conserves water and thus stays alive.

Interesting, how much of our lives are reflected in the world around us, or better yet, how much the world around us reflects “life.” Just as the autumn winds usher in the changes of Fall, so do the winds of circumstantial change in our lives. We all are placed in circumstances from time to time that cause us to go through a variety of changes and growth in areas such as: Gratitude, Humility, Surrender, Acceptance and Forgiveness. Part of this process operates on much the same premise as the leaves that are shed from the trees during the fall. Circumstances cause our defects of character and shortcomings to rise to the surface ~ (Those things that we’ve held onto so tightly; that allowed us to cover up the areas of our lives that we didn’t want others to see). If we allow the recovery process to take its natural course, those defects and shortcomings will then begin to fall away from us. Much like that late Fall wind that blows through the almost barren trees, causing a creaking and lonesome howl, so too does that wind of change as it blows across our exposed “self,” after having allowed those things that once covered us and made us appear somewhat bigger, stronger and unaffected than we really were, too fall away.

But although this moment can be most uncomfortable, a much greater purpose is being served! Without being barren, the trees could face destruction and even death, due to their need to absorb and retain water through their roots in order to survive winter. This same process is necessary in our own lives. Many of the instinctual emotions that make up our humanness, such as: Resentment, Fear, Pride and Sex – are also laden with defects of character and shortcomings that cause us conflict and pain, and which need removal. Were this to never happen, we could also face our own destruction, and even death. By allowing the wind of healing recovery ~ Willingness, Honesty and Open-Mindedness ~ to blow over us, we are able to be stripped of what hinders our spiritual growth, allowing our “roots” to not only absorb life giving water, (Or, if you will, – a connection with God), but to better retain those God-given qualities of Love, Patience, Tolerance, Courage, Humility and Wisdom ~ that will sustain us through the difficulties and challenges that lie ahead, causing us to achieve growth and become stronger.

I love this journey and I am humbled by the grace which has allowed the opportunity I’ve been given to partake in it. While I am not “eager” for change, I am excited by the blessings I know will come as a result of it.

©2009-2021 Rebecca Balko