The Infinite

 

I awoke this monring to my alarm going off with its irritating 'BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!', as my arm spastically felt its way in a blind effort to hit the snooze for the now THIRD time. Rolling over and looking at the clock, I found that I now had approximately 35 minutes to get cleaned up, dressed, put the house together, take care of our dog Zeke and get on the road to work. Jolting up, I turned on the TV as I began my hurried routine, and that's when I heart it - "Today marks the anniversary of 9/11". For just those first few minutes upon awakening, I'd not remembered. I stopped what I was doing, (as my mind began to set aside the trivial issues of the morning), and grasped that quite literally, thousands upon thousands of people knew EXACTLY what today was the MOMENT that they awoke this morning: It was the day that they lost someone they loved - It was the day they witnessed something first hand, that changed them forever - It was the day they survived something that so many other didn't - It was the day they risked everthing for their fellow man. Sitting down a moment, as the gravity of it all sank into my conciousness; I could only pray for them to be comforted and strengthened on this day of memorial.

Certainly everyone was impacted by what happened in this nation Steptember 11, 2001. I don't know anyone who doesn't remember exactly where they were the moment they became aware that passenger airliners were flying or had flown into the World Trade Center - Towers I and II; into the Pentagon; and into a field in Shanksville, PA.

I was in my hotel room by Mobile Bay in Mobile, AL - having just gotten out of the shower and drying my hair when I saw on the television screen, a plane flying into the World Trade Center. I recall initially thinking it was a movie preview and slowly realizing that what I was seeing was real. Turning up the sound, I sat on the corener of the bed and listened as the news anchor, (fighting his own emotion), attempted to articulate what was happening in live time. At that point both towers had been hit. I called family and then went to the lobby of the hotel, as I could not stand to watch what was unfolding alone. Walking towards the lobby I saw about 15 military personnel talking to staff at the front desk and then I saw to my right, a group of people around a television, where I then went to watch what, in a few minutes, would unfold. As the towers collapsed, I remember my ears ringing and I could hear my own crying, (as if distanced from myself), and then, like the volume being turned back up, became aware of the cries and gasps of those around me. What I recall most is that no one was really talking, but rather, total strangers were weeping and simply embracing one another.

I came to realize that what happened in the hotel lobby that morning, was that all of us were being confronted with something infinate and attempting to grasp it with a finite mind. We were witnessing true evil, darkness and depravity on a scale, (that likely in the lifetime of those present), had never been experienced before. I have found that a natural impulse to such senselessly vile acts is to attempt to understand them with our intellect. The truth is however, that our intellect can only go so far in the search for such understanding - but can certainly never fully comprehend the acts of that day or of any other kind of depraved indifference that we see in our world today.

With access to news, information and images 24/7 it is easy to bombard ourselves with this infinite darkness, which makes way and opens the door to feelings of hopelessness, fear, anxiousness, anger and sadness that often leads to a skewed view of the world, our lives and our future.

The truth is though...this is only the darker side of something infinite, because there is another Infinite that is so much greater and so much MORE powerful - which is an infinite God. What do I mean by that? The infiniteness of: Love - which can be seen immediately in the eyes of parents as they bring their little ones into the world and see them for the first time, being filled with an awareness that nothing will EVER matter more to them than this precious little life; Forgiveness - which defies all logic in its ability to truly move beyond circumstances and pains which would be impossible, if not unfathomable; Hope - the very miracle of it! It is what allows the human spirit to prevail through circumstances beyond comprehention, enabling them to rise above and not be bound nor held down by them.

The greatest darkness can be destroyed in an INSTANT by the tiniest amount of light; The deepest resentment can be annihilated with the smallest step towards forgiveness; The loneliest moment of hopelessness can vanish with one small word of encouragment! I think today it behooves us to remember that everyday...ALL DAY...we are surrounded by and have access to the Infinite - Who will always provide unlimited peace, hope and restoration with as little as one request.

(c) 2014-2022 Rebecca Balko

TANGELOS

 

It was 1985 on a warm humid spring morning in the small southeastern town of Marbury, Alabama. Early morning fog rested just atop the bean fields across an old dirt road, while the piercing sound of Periodical Cicadas, (13 Year Locusts), filled the air with their endless song just outside the sliding glass doors of the small wooden blue house which sheltered myself and thirteen others. On our side of the house there was one counselor and six of us girls with one bathroom...(you heard me right). On the other side of the house were the house parents and their 4 kids. I had arrived to live there after a relatively long stay on the psychiatric floor of a hospital in Birmingham, AL and a not so long stay at a secondary treatment program following that.

But let me back up a bit. I had been placed in a double lock down psychiatric unit following a lengthy binge of cocaine, vodka and pills, which left me both homicidal and suicidal. In route to end my life, with a loaded gun and suicide note, an intervention, (which I had viewed as an abduction), by my family occurred, which resulted in my admission to the hospital for an extended visit. Once being transferred to a less secure wing, my family spoke to me about a Christian Girl’s Home that I should consider going to with a 1 year free program. I wanted no part of it. Upon leaving the hospital my parents had been given a grim prognosis that they needed to get me placed on disability, put me in a group home and that I would never be capable of functioning independently.

Following the hospital, I was admitted to a secondary treatment program where I lasted only a few weeks. One day I became aware that my mouth was telling one story, while my mind was planning something totally different – how to get out and use. My level of functioning was very low and I found myself unable to verbalize the fear I was experiencing. As I sat in my room I found a Bible and hoped that it would somehow give me direction with the “open and point method”. So I opened it up with my eyes closed and pointed my finger, which landed on Psalm 69: 1-20 and saw before my eyes the words for exactly what I was feeling. I read it out loud, as they were the only words I could speak as a prayer to a God I had long since run from. Upon finishing, the name of that girl’s home came into my mind like a flashing billboard. I ran downstairs, (just as crazy as could be), saying the name of the home, (Cannan Land), over and over and over – along with - “Call my mom! Call my mom!” My counselor did and off I went to the girl’s home.

I arrived with a cigarette in each hand, having smoked several packs on the ride down, being it was a non-smoking program. Getting out of the car, the pastor of the home came up with a big smile and told me my life was going to change. I took his statement with cynicism thick enough you could have cut it with a knife – but I was at that moment, willing to go to any lengths. However as days passed, filled with “group” morning prayers and multiple Bible studies each day I was fast reaching my limit. The tipping point came on this particular morning as our counselor declared that we could pray and ask God for things that mattered to us and if we did so believing He would answer our prayers. Well, there it was…I had reached my limit and I thought, “THAT IS IT! I’m taking her down!”

Now before I go any further, let me say that this program was fully supported by donations and the income of the pastor and his wife. It was during this time that some pretty negative issues had been becoming public knowledge with a certain television evangelist, resulting in, (apparently), a drop in donations to faith based programs. As a result we had not had fruit to snack on in a good while and being that this program also didn’t allow any “sugar products”…I was really missing sweet fruits.

So back to the story:  Upon our counselor’s previously mentioned claim I spoke up and called her on it. I said, “Oh really? Anything we pray for, you’re saying that God will answer it?” To which she said, “If you are willing to believe and trust Him, yes that is what I’m saying. Do you want to pray for something Rebecca?” Feeling very defiant towards this woman and her claims, as well as attempting, (with what little faculties I had), to think of something that would surely prove her wrong ~ I said, “As a matter of fact I do – let’s ask God to bring us fruit!” She replied, “OK, let’s pray!” and all the girls bowed their heads. I thought, “No! This was TO EASY…to possible!” So abruptly I said, “STOP! Wait! I want to be more specific – let’s pray for oranges!” The counselor didn’t skip a beat and said, “No problem – oranges it is!” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I thought, “The only reason they are acting like this is because it’s not that impossible!” My heart pounding and mind racing I said, “STOP!! No! I want to change it…let’s pray for Tangerines!” (Surely this would get them!) But no…not this lady and certainly not this group of girls – incredibly they actually bowed their heads to start praying. I just couldn’t take it anymore – every bit of anger, bitterness, fear and frustration bubbled up at one time and I screamed, “STOP IT! STOP IT! I want to make it REALLY specific…I want to pray for TANGELO’S!”

For those of you who’ve never enjoyed the experience of tasting this delicious fruit or perhaps never even heard of it ~ A Tangelo, (also known as a Honeybell), is a hybrid of a tangerine (Mandarin Orange) and a Grapefruit (closely related to the Pomelo). The Honeybell citrus fruit is believed to have originated in Southeast Asia around 3,000 years ago, while the hybrid Tangelo it’s self is said to have been first made by Dr. Walter T. Swingle (Florida) in 1897. Tangelo’s are best known for their easy to remove peel and, (when ripe), their high concentration of juice and I LOVED them!!!

But I digress…returning to the moment that changed my life:

They all just stared at me, initially saying nothing. Feeling quite proud of myself, I was certain that I had made them all realize the foolishness of this “exercise in prayer”. The counselor softly said to me, “Are you sure that is it?” Quite defiantly and with a sarcastic grin I said, “Oh yeah, I’m sure.” Incredibly they all bowed their heads and prayed for me to get my tangelos. I couldn’t believe it! While at the table following the Bible study meeting, a horn honked outside. The girls and our counselor went outside and as I followed I observed a rather large man in worn out denim overalls explaining to our counselor that he had produce to unload, had heard about our program and thought we might like it. I noticed the other girls, many of whom were giggling, were all looking directly at me. My counselor said, “Come on down here Becky – you need to see this.” As I rounded the corner of the truck what I saw caused such a reaction that my entire body began to tremble and my skin to perspire…there before my eyes ~ was an entire truck load of TANGELOS! My head spinning and heart racing, I could only think to do one thing ~ I ran for my bedroom and fell on my knees telling God “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! ~ I believe! I believe!!

Yes, I’m a firm believer that God, in all of His goodness, meets us right where we are and often with good humor. Needless to say, after that day I became willing to believe He could restore even my mind…and you know what? “He did!”

 

 ©2012-2022 Rebecca Balko

Identifying Beliefs ~ Step 2

 Step 2:   Came to believe that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore us to sanity.

Step two is about having a suspicion that God can restore wholeness.  (This is different than having “knowledge” that this is true, based on results attained by actions that have been taken).  ALL spiritual growth begins with the cornerstone of first having a suspicion that taking certain actions will somehow be beneficial to us. *In other words…to take Step 2 it is not necessary to “know” or have “faith” that (A) Got will OR (B) that God can restore sanity (wholeness)…rather it is only needed to have a ”belief” (i.e. ~ a suspicion) that it is “possible.” It is in this step that willingness comes into play.

We look now at the first part of Step 2: Came to believe…and here there are definitions to understand the context of what IS happening and what is NOT happening as this step is taken.  It can be said that when we decide to begin the steps we first “came” into a place of learning. As we proceeded we “came to” a place of understanding. To better understand this, we will look at definitions and scripture to put this principle in context.

The very beginning of Step 2 is stating, (not in the present tense – we are coming to – but rather in the past tense), that “We came to…”.

Came to          -           To waken; To raise up; Arrive at; Reach a conclusion

Why would it read this way? Because before we approached this step we determined two important things:

 (1) The area in which we have powerlessness

(2) The unmanageability in our lives, resulting from that powerlessness

This information brings us from a point of lacking reason to hope for real change, to a place of “coming to” or waking up! Next we look at what we are waking up to…and that is to BELIEVE. It is important here to unpack this word and how in this context it differs from the word “faith”.

Suspicion         -           A feeling (or belief) that something is true; a belief

Believe            -           To think/suspect that something is true or correct

OR

Belief               -           The feeling of being certain that something exists or is true

To believe (or have belief) – is to have a suspicion strong enough that it results in taking action. When Step 2 says, “We came to believe…” it is saying that we have reached a point where we have begun learning information, hearing about and gaining hope from others, and have a suspicion that moving forward will be good for us.

ALL spiritual growth begins with the cornerstone of “belief”…because we do not pursue spiritual matters unless we FIRST suspect they will be beneficial.

 On the other hand we have the word “faith” - definition:

 Faith                -           A high degree of trust or confidence; requires action

When there is not a clear understanding in the subtle difference between the words “belief and faith” in the context of this important step, it can cause misunderstanding and a lack of progress in a forward direction:  

 You are looking at the area(s) you have identified in your life that you:

(a) Are powerless over

(b) Have unmanageability with

At a point, you begin, ( or began), to realize that though you’ve tried many times to come to terms with an area(s) (or) to overcome it all together – it has been with limited, to no lasting success. When this is the reality experienced, we cannot yet have a “high degree of trust or confidence” that this new effort is going to bring about lasting change (and) the “actions” we’ve taken up until now have not resulted in the long term outcome we have been seeking.

So by definition we are not at a place yet of “faith”. In fact, what we are dealing with is sometimes actually “doubt”:

 Doubt              -           A feeling of uncertainty; to feel uncertain about

Thankfully, to proceed in Step 2 it is not necessary to yet have “faith” (by the definition given) – but rather to simply “believe” (which allows room to simultaneously be experiencing doubt in the midst of it), and continue forward through the steps, which will change what began as simply a belief, transforming it to faith in action!

Next we move to the middle portion of Step 2: …that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore us to sanity.

Now, it is safe to say that intellectually we all know that God is greater…but then if we knew it to our very core – would we ever take things back that we give to Him in an effort to fix them ourselves? NOPE! But then that is the dilemma of being human – just as a child will think that they don’t need their parent, so too will we struggle with our Creator God. It is helpful to have a point of context that enables us to understand better and in a “results based” manner, this truth and this is one:       

Mankind is finite: Having bounds or limits; Subject to limits or conditions; Limited

God is infinite: Immeasurably great; indefinite; unlimited; boundless; Limitless

The next portion of Step 2 is…could restore us to sanity: “Could” ~ which means it’s up to YOU - to invite Him into your situation.

Restore           -           Overhaul; Reinstate; Repair; Reestablish; Rebuild; Bring back

Last we take a look at the final aspect of Step 2 which references “Sanity”. First we will look at two words:

Sanity              -           Which comes from the Latin word – sanitus – which means “complete or whole”

Insanity           -           Which comes from the Latin word – insanitus – “incomplete or not whole”                                   

Another common definition of insanity is: Repeating the same failed actions and expecting different results.

Putting all of this information together now: Step 2 – We came to suspect that God (who is greater than ourselves) could restore wholeness to our lives.

What to do: (This is something you can work on in your own time and if you would like a prayer – see #3)

 

1. What areas of your life are not whole?
2. Do you suspect that an infinite God can restore wholeness to you?
3. Prayer: God, in your infinite mercy and grace I come to you believing that you can restore wholeness in this area of my life and I ask that you would be with me in the steps ahead – Thank you – amen

   

                                                                                           © 2015-2022 Rebecca Balko

ENDLESS

 

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

I'm getting sober

I'm getting older

Said goodbye to drugs

Now I'm finally getting closure

Been through the storm

I've been reborn

Put the pieces back together 

When my life was torn

Met a girl named cocaine

I got hooked 

Had no brain

Thought that I had known pain

That bitch drove me insane

Let's just keep it real

We all know that crack kills

To say her name gives me the chills

Left no money for my Bill's

I'm ready to tell you to fuck off

Forget the hard forget the soft

And alcohol fuck you too

You never did cure my blues

I'm finally sober

Drug days are over

I want you to hear me 

so I'll say it even slower

I'm finally sober

My drug days are over

And my heart goes out 

To anyone that's known ever her

Numb the pain but fix things not

Will to change can help alot

No I wont even smoke pot

Must bring my brain back from the rot

My past taught me lessons 

for this I'm grateful

Wont hold onto resentments

I'm no longer hateful

Thank you to my higher power

I call her god

I'd be lost without her

Just remember your not alone 

Find a meeting to call your home 

One day at a time

It really works not just a rhyme

By: Torre Blakney

The Unseen Road

 

Photo by Paul Gilmore on Unsplash

Recently, my wife and myself, got a vacation cabin up in the Great Smoky Mountains for our parents, just outside of Pigeon Forge and rented a beach house for ourselves. The last year has been filled with ups and downs, and some time off to rest and have fun ~ which was so needed.

Just some quick background: I am a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for right at 18 months. My wife and I had been divorced and re-married, and life was truly better than it had ever been. But we were talking about making some very big life changing decisions. We are planning to sell the business that my wife helps the parents with, and move to Alabama. It's a big step with a lot of unforseen challenges ~ and THIS leads me back to something that happened on our vacation...

To help our parents out, we went with them to Pigeon Forge on our way to Florida, just to get them settled in. The cabin was way back off a main road and up a mountain.. As we drove around sharp curves and up hill slopes, I came to a point in  the road at the top of the mountain, where the road would go down the other side. The problem was, I could not see the road because of the steep slope on the other side. Knowing that it should be there, I slowly drove forward, starting down the other side adn then the road came into view.

This got me thinking about when I was still drinking and even soon after rehab, I would fear where life was leading me. Like that mountain peak, I had no idea what was on the other side. Would I just drop off and fall to my death? Fear would keep me from seeing beautiful views and enjoying life like I was seeing at that moment. I now have a Higher Power that I turn my will and life over to each day. But would I trust Hm with my tomorrow?

You see, I may not be able to see the road that will lead us on our move to Alabama, or any other challenge to come my way, but have to trust that my God has it worked out, and as the road comes into view, I will see the curves ahead and make changes as needed.

As you take the steps you need in recovery, your fears will become smaller. You will see things more clearly. But you also need to remember, never to stop taking steps. Keep trusting the process and turning it over to God.

Sherman Brewer

April 2, 2002

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

 

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

Do you recognize this guy? If you've been around Mandala any time at all, most likely you do! But for those who don't know, this is Tim Roberto and once you meet him, you will not soon forget him. Tim is a charasmatic, personable and soulful guy with a huge heart. Once you begin a conversation with him you are guarenteed to walk away with a bit more than you arrived with. Tim embarked on an incredible journey that was born out of a moment with God in a private walk that led to months of training and all culminating in a 20 mile walk from Boynton Beach, FL to Deerfield Beach, FL, to raise awareness in 'Stomping Out the Stigma' that comes with both addiction and mental illness and raising proceeds for a wonderful organization: 1 Brother 1 Sister, (which provides training and resources to First Responders in the areas of addiction and mental health).  I am priveleged to work with Tim and to have been given the opportunity to sit down with him and get the story of how this call came to be...

(Question:)  So Tim, what happend that led you to accomplish this goal and to raise money and awareness for Addiction and Mental Health?

(Tim)  It began one day while I was on a walk with me and God. I was coming up on my 15th Anniversary from active addiction. I wanted to do something that would matter and comemorate this and God told me, "Take it back to where you got sober", and for me, that was in Deerfield. 

(Question:)  Wow ~ 15 years in recovery is awesome! What led you to make that decision?

(Tim)  I had been in active addiction for 33 years prior to that. I'd say my pain finally outgrew the fear in my life. Thank God for the pain!

(Question:)  After you had this experience with God, did you begin planning this event
right away after that?

(Tim)  No. I learned long ago to not just jump when ideas come, but to wait and give it time ~ so that is what I did. I had been jogging some time later and and saw how many miles I had run and about then another thought came to me, (I know from God), that said, "Tim, I love you ~ you have time to bring awareness." and then the words "First Responders" came to me. But it still wasn't clear and I wasn't trying to hurry. 

(Question:)  So what happened that made it all come together for you?

(Tim) About a week later I was at the Beachcomer at a funraiser dinner for First Responders being hosted by Karyn Hurley, who is the Co-Founder of 'One Brother One Sister' and who lost her own brother, (a Firefighter and Veteran), due to addiction and suicide. I realized as I listened to her, that THIS is who I was to do this for ~ still gives me chills how God works. But I STILL didn't take action on it just yet. 

(Question:)  Did you go talk to her about your thoughts at that event?

(Tim) Actually, no. I was still waiting on direction. I didn't know Karyn and didn't feel it was time to approach her. About another week later I was in Port St. Lucie for the opening of a detox center and saw her again there. I felt this was the sign and so I approached her and explained everything that had happened leading up to this moment.

(Question:)  That is so crazy that she was there. So what happened? How did she respond to what you shared with her?

(Tim) She cried and so did I! There was another person at that event, a friend of mine named Deena, (who is a therapist), and without hesitation she said, "I'm doing the food! Me and my sister." I said, "I don't know how many people could end up coming." To which she just replied, "Doesn't matter ~ We are cooking!" 

(Question:)  What was it like putting this event all together?

(Tim) It all all really just came together very easily. I got several speakers that included a Trauma Therapist; Recovering First Responder, a Pastor and the Family member of a First Responder with addiction. They did a tremendous job!  We had over 50 people come to this first event and raised over $6000.00!

  

(Question:)  What was training like? Had you ever done anything like this before?

(Tim) I had never done anything like this before and training was pretty intense. I trained from January until April. About 2 weeks prior to the event it was suggested that I give my feet a break and stop training until event time. About a week prior I did that - however that didn't work out to well because my feet ended up pretty blistered. 

(Question:)  What were the people like who came and participated in the walk?

(Tim) They were all different people. Some were like me and this was all new to them. Some traveled to come do this walk and were really good at it.

(Question:)  Is this part of how you keep your own recovery strong?

(Tim) Part of the recipe for remaining in recovery rests in service to others for sure.

(Question:)  Do you plan on this being a one time event, or do you plan on making it annual?

(Tim) Oh, I FOR SURE plan on this happening again next year...however I'm thinking of something more like a 5K, so that more people will come join in this life changing cause!

If you would like to be a supporter of: One Brother One Sister, you can use this link: Addicted Communities Coalition

Everyone Has A Story

Photo by Kevin Erdvig on Unsplash

We live in a world where we have hidden our true, authentic, selves. Social Media has turned us into fake shells of human existence. We are even afraid to show our real self to those who are closest to us in fear of judgement, or criticism.

There is one thing that can be said of all of us. We ALL have a story! We have all experienced some trauma, or hard times in our lives. No one escapes difficulties in this life, but some handle these tough circumstances in ways that others can't understand. What is good for one person, is not always good for another. and yet, despite the fact we have all been there, we don't seem to extend mercy, grace or compassion to our fellow man. Instead, we judge, put down and condemn those who handle things differently. This has caused us to retreat into a shell of life and won't reach out for help when we need it.

If we could all come to a place where we realize everyone has a story and needs compassion and understanding. What an amazing world we would live in. But we have been taught that it's all about us ~ that we need to take care of ourselves first. This thinking has caused a lot of us to retreat to a life of misery and depression. We don't feel seen or heard.

Hurt people will hurt people. When someone is angry, frustrated and offensive, that should be our first clue to ask, "What's hurting you?" Instead, we get offended by their actions towards us and get defensive...only making the situation worse for both parties. People need to be heard, to feel they matter, their life matters and their pain matters to someone ~ anyone!

Let's be the person who says, "How can I help?" Let's bring love and compassion for our fellow man back! Let's step back and listen, give a smile or a hug to someone. Let's put our 'selves' aside for a minute to make someone else feel seen and heard. Let's remember that EVERYONE has a story and a reason behind their behaviors. Let's be a safe Place for those around us to be able to be their true authentic selves.

Julie B.

 

YOU ARE DEARLY LOVED!!

 

Photo by: Mayur Gala

Love: A strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 

Love is an interesting word isn’t it? I mean the word “love” is used for so many things these days. For example; “I love chocolate cake!” I mean I REALLY love it! Have you ever met someone that you didn’t know that well, but maybe they were really funny and as you spoke about them you said, “Man…I love that guy!”? We love people, TV shows and music. We love certain types of cars, places that we go and things that we do. So the word 'love' in and of its self isn’t always necessarily used to represent deep and meaningful things.

While I am quite guilty of using the word love in this manner, it wasn’t until a short while back that I really thought about it. About how, by using the word love to describe things that were, (for all intents and purposes), 'trivial' in my life, I was perhaps taking away from what love really is. So I got to looking into it. I heard a speaker many years ago get up to speak at a meeting; She introduced herself and then said something I had never heard before. She said, “My name is Rebecca and I am the beloved of God.” I have to say, that although I had no idea exactly what she meant by that, I REALLY liked it! It just sounded … special. About a year ago I began to research this very topic of 'Love”, being “Loved” and being the “Beloved”; what I found was quite profound for myself and I hope may  perhaps be the same for someone else reading this.

The Greek had four words for love and they are as follows;

I.       Eros            -        Erotic love (sexual love)

II.      Storge         -        Family love (Love within a family)

III.     Phila           –        Brotherly friendship and affection.

IV.     Agape         –        Perfect love

Now Agape love is what really caught my eye. Its definition was quite long and required more than just a casual “read through”. (see below)

Love that loves without changing. Self giving w/out expecting re-payment. So great it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. It loves even when rejected. It loves because it wants to. Agape love has little to do with emotion, but has much to do with self denial for the sake of another.

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

I have found and experienced Agape love in only a few instances; I experienced it with God, within the Fellowship, have received it from my parents, and experienced it towards the children in my life & towards other people in my life. You know for me, my first really personal concept of God came through my stepson at that time. I thought, “Why do we have kids?” I came to believe that it was the one physical way for me to experience even a glimpse, of how God views me. I mean, is there really anything your child could do to actually make you “love” them more than you already do? Could they REALLY do anything that would cause you to “love” them less? Of course not! You love them because they are yours! Sure…they can make you proud or even disappointed…but the love simply is what it is…Agape.

So we know what the definition of love is and the various ways in which we love. But what about 'Being Loved'…just how do we feel loved? Well, we feel loved by what we see, what we hear and how we are treated. If I’m confiding in someone and while doing this they are TOTALLY blowing me off…I’m not going to feel very loved. I would most likely be feeling rather insignificant at that moment. But let’s say that this person is TOTALLY listening to me, sharing with me, encouraging me and supporting me…I am going feel really different – I am going to feel loved.

But then we have that word ~BELOVED...

~ To be dearly loved, most treasured, adored, cherished. (A deep level of intimacy) 

Image by Jess Bailey from Pixabay

When I first read that I thought, “You know, there are people in my life who are TRULY my beloved and there is NOTHING that I would not do for them.”  But then I looked at it,(remembering what that speaker had said so long ago), “I am the beloved of God”. Such an easy idea, that for me, was SO HARD to grasp! My heart leapt as I read those words again, realizing that 'I' am God’s beloved. Through all my acts of self-centeredness and selfishness, I was dearly loved…through my many acts of defiance and rebellion, I was most treasured…through my collapse into self destruction, I was adored… and through my brokenness, I was cherished! Realizing I can never 'do' anything SO GOOD as to make God love me more…nor can I ever 'do' anything SO BAD as to cause God to love me less…God loves me because I am His! I am the beloved.

Martin Luther King said this:

“Agape is understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill towards all men. Agape is an overflowing love which seeks nothing in return. Theologians would say that it is the love of God operating in the human heart. When you rise to love on this level, you love all men not because you like them, not because their ways appeal to you, but you love them because God loves them.”

In my own recovery, something quite interesting began. While I initially came to understand and see myself as God’s beloved…something happened…a change in my heart… God became my beloved as well.

I thought with us coming upon our national holiday where we celebrate love and those with whom we have it; I would make this contribution to the word itself and share in the joy of that awakening ~ that I first came to believe and have now come to know…We are God’s Beloved and are DEARLY LOVED!                                          

©2008-2022 Rebecca Balko