My Name Is Melissa

 

Photo by Bruno Kelzer on Unsplash

My name is Melissa and I am an alcoholic and addict. I am 41 years old and am sober here in Florida over 6 months as of, October 14th, but it hasn't been easy and now I am learning a new way to live. 

So to tell you a little about myself I grew up in normal household: Mom, Dad and  an older brother. NOTHING with my up bringing has anything to do with why, at a young age - about fifteen, I started smoking cigarettes. It was because of peer pressure and then smoking weed, just to be cool and fit in. Normal teenager things I guess, but I always felt like I had a lot of energy and thought a little different - I just had a unique or imaginative mind. Then over the years I experimented with prescription medication that people would have, and then alcohol. In high school I was an OK student and was a star athlete, so it wasn't ok to smoke or party. 

My drinking progressed over the years and I started getting arrested for things. My first time in rehab I was twenty-one and when I got arrested the bail bondsman said, "Maybe go get a pyschiatric evaluation", so I went into a 'hospital type' stay for about a month. That is when the doctors diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. So I was a dual diagnosed person, and back home in New Hampshire, where they didn't have recovery like they do here in Florida. For a few years I was ok, 'I thought', but I was just a functional alcoholic and drug addict: I would go to work, had my own apartment and a car. I eventually got a DUI and that was rough. My dad always said your license is a privilege. I had to do drunk driving school, pay fines and still try to get to work. That made me stay sober for a little while and I got through it thank God. 

I maintained for a while, but I hate to say, it didn't last long, because then for about 13 years I got addicted to cocaine and drank alone. I did not go out much to the bars and isolated alone in my studio apartment. Very sad. My addiction progressed every day, drinking and drugging heavy, and at times I did not feel like my life was much worth living. I was hibernating, not talking to my family,  missing holidays - which was not like me at all - and barely showing up to work. I had gained 100 lbs from drinking beer and eating. If I wasn't doing that, I was sleeping, so I then started having medical problems arise from alcohol and  other things. On April 13, 2021 I just had enough. On Facebook I saw a number and called it for addiction and next thing I remember I was at the airport getting on a plane to come to treatment for the 5th time. Best decision I ever made for myself! 

Mandala Healing Center is where  I detoxed and stayed  in the program for residential twenty-four days. Then I went from Mandala Healing Center to Boca Recovery for PHP and stayed there seventeen days, but for medical reasons got transfered to Northlake and finally AION Recovery. I did three months IOP and am now doing OP there at this present time. I am living in a sober house and am very active in my recovery and meetings, I am working the 12 steps with a sponsor for the first time - because I have tried the meetings before back home - but I never stuck with it or even attempted to get a sponsor or work the program. I volunteer at Recovery Church, which is another fellowship with sober support. I get phone lists at meetings and reach out to people who will help me through this recovery process. I read daily reflections every morning to start my day and look to my Higher Power, who is God. I pray and when I feel like I'm struggling, I  go to a meeting, call someone and say " Let Go Let GOD " three times and breathe - and it usually passes and I get through my day. 

Not every day is easy and I do have rough days, but I try to make the best of it with the tools I have learned in these programs. I am very Blessed and Gratful for the recovery I have here in FLorida. The fellowship is everywhere, so I know that I can always find a meeting and there are zoom meetings and phone apps to! 

Thank You very much for letting  me tell my story.