The Unseen Road

 

Photo by Paul Gilmore on Unsplash

Recently, my wife and myself, got a vacation cabin up in the Great Smoky Mountains for our parents, just outside of Pigeon Forge and rented a beach house for ourselves. The last year has been filled with ups and downs, and some time off to rest and have fun ~ which was so needed.

Just some quick background: I am a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for right at 18 months. My wife and I had been divorced and re-married, and life was truly better than it had ever been. But we were talking about making some very big life changing decisions. We are planning to sell the business that my wife helps the parents with, and move to Alabama. It's a big step with a lot of unforseen challenges ~ and THIS leads me back to something that happened on our vacation...

To help our parents out, we went with them to Pigeon Forge on our way to Florida, just to get them settled in. The cabin was way back off a main road and up a mountain.. As we drove around sharp curves and up hill slopes, I came to a point in  the road at the top of the mountain, where the road would go down the other side. The problem was, I could not see the road because of the steep slope on the other side. Knowing that it should be there, I slowly drove forward, starting down the other side adn then the road came into view.

This got me thinking about when I was still drinking and even soon after rehab, I would fear where life was leading me. Like that mountain peak, I had no idea what was on the other side. Would I just drop off and fall to my death? Fear would keep me from seeing beautiful views and enjoying life like I was seeing at that moment. I now have a Higher Power that I turn my will and life over to each day. But would I trust Hm with my tomorrow?

You see, I may not be able to see the road that will lead us on our move to Alabama, or any other challenge to come my way, but have to trust that my God has it worked out, and as the road comes into view, I will see the curves ahead and make changes as needed.

As you take the steps you need in recovery, your fears will become smaller. You will see things more clearly. But you also need to remember, never to stop taking steps. Keep trusting the process and turning it over to God.

Sherman Brewer

April 2, 2002

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

 

Stomping Out the Stigma ~ One Mile At a Time

Do you recognize this guy? If you've been around Mandala any time at all, most likely you do! But for those who don't know, this is Tim Roberto and once you meet him, you will not soon forget him. Tim is a charasmatic, personable and soulful guy with a huge heart. Once you begin a conversation with him you are guarenteed to walk away with a bit more than you arrived with. Tim embarked on an incredible journey that was born out of a moment with God in a private walk that led to months of training and all culminating in a 20 mile walk from Boynton Beach, FL to Deerfield Beach, FL, to raise awareness in 'Stomping Out the Stigma' that comes with both addiction and mental illness and raising proceeds for a wonderful organization: 1 Brother 1 Sister, (which provides training and resources to First Responders in the areas of addiction and mental health).  I am priveleged to work with Tim and to have been given the opportunity to sit down with him and get the story of how this call came to be...

(Question:)  So Tim, what happend that led you to accomplish this goal and to raise money and awareness for Addiction and Mental Health?

(Tim)  It began one day while I was on a walk with me and God. I was coming up on my 15th Anniversary from active addiction. I wanted to do something that would matter and comemorate this and God told me, "Take it back to where you got sober", and for me, that was in Deerfield. 

(Question:)  Wow ~ 15 years in recovery is awesome! What led you to make that decision?

(Tim)  I had been in active addiction for 33 years prior to that. I'd say my pain finally outgrew the fear in my life. Thank God for the pain!

(Question:)  After you had this experience with God, did you begin planning this event
right away after that?

(Tim)  No. I learned long ago to not just jump when ideas come, but to wait and give it time ~ so that is what I did. I had been jogging some time later and and saw how many miles I had run and about then another thought came to me, (I know from God), that said, "Tim, I love you ~ you have time to bring awareness." and then the words "First Responders" came to me. But it still wasn't clear and I wasn't trying to hurry. 

(Question:)  So what happened that made it all come together for you?

(Tim) About a week later I was at the Beachcomer at a funraiser dinner for First Responders being hosted by Karyn Hurley, who is the Co-Founder of 'One Brother One Sister' and who lost her own brother, (a Firefighter and Veteran), due to addiction and suicide. I realized as I listened to her, that THIS is who I was to do this for ~ still gives me chills how God works. But I STILL didn't take action on it just yet. 

(Question:)  Did you go talk to her about your thoughts at that event?

(Tim) Actually, no. I was still waiting on direction. I didn't know Karyn and didn't feel it was time to approach her. About another week later I was in Port St. Lucie for the opening of a detox center and saw her again there. I felt this was the sign and so I approached her and explained everything that had happened leading up to this moment.

(Question:)  That is so crazy that she was there. So what happened? How did she respond to what you shared with her?

(Tim) She cried and so did I! There was another person at that event, a friend of mine named Deena, (who is a therapist), and without hesitation she said, "I'm doing the food! Me and my sister." I said, "I don't know how many people could end up coming." To which she just replied, "Doesn't matter ~ We are cooking!" 

(Question:)  What was it like putting this event all together?

(Tim) It all all really just came together very easily. I got several speakers that included a Trauma Therapist; Recovering First Responder, a Pastor and the Family member of a First Responder with addiction. They did a tremendous job!  We had over 50 people come to this first event and raised over $6000.00!

  

(Question:)  What was training like? Had you ever done anything like this before?

(Tim) I had never done anything like this before and training was pretty intense. I trained from January until April. About 2 weeks prior to the event it was suggested that I give my feet a break and stop training until event time. About a week prior I did that - however that didn't work out to well because my feet ended up pretty blistered. 

(Question:)  What were the people like who came and participated in the walk?

(Tim) They were all different people. Some were like me and this was all new to them. Some traveled to come do this walk and were really good at it.

(Question:)  Is this part of how you keep your own recovery strong?

(Tim) Part of the recipe for remaining in recovery rests in service to others for sure.

(Question:)  Do you plan on this being a one time event, or do you plan on making it annual?

(Tim) Oh, I FOR SURE plan on this happening again next year...however I'm thinking of something more like a 5K, so that more people will come join in this life changing cause!

If you would like to be a supporter of: One Brother One Sister, you can use this link: Addicted Communities Coalition

Everyone Has A Story

Photo by Kevin Erdvig on Unsplash

We live in a world where we have hidden our true, authentic, selves. Social Media has turned us into fake shells of human existence. We are even afraid to show our real self to those who are closest to us in fear of judgement, or criticism.

There is one thing that can be said of all of us. We ALL have a story! We have all experienced some trauma, or hard times in our lives. No one escapes difficulties in this life, but some handle these tough circumstances in ways that others can't understand. What is good for one person, is not always good for another. and yet, despite the fact we have all been there, we don't seem to extend mercy, grace or compassion to our fellow man. Instead, we judge, put down and condemn those who handle things differently. This has caused us to retreat into a shell of life and won't reach out for help when we need it.

If we could all come to a place where we realize everyone has a story and needs compassion and understanding. What an amazing world we would live in. But we have been taught that it's all about us ~ that we need to take care of ourselves first. This thinking has caused a lot of us to retreat to a life of misery and depression. We don't feel seen or heard.

Hurt people will hurt people. When someone is angry, frustrated and offensive, that should be our first clue to ask, "What's hurting you?" Instead, we get offended by their actions towards us and get defensive...only making the situation worse for both parties. People need to be heard, to feel they matter, their life matters and their pain matters to someone ~ anyone!

Let's be the person who says, "How can I help?" Let's bring love and compassion for our fellow man back! Let's step back and listen, give a smile or a hug to someone. Let's put our 'selves' aside for a minute to make someone else feel seen and heard. Let's remember that EVERYONE has a story and a reason behind their behaviors. Let's be a safe Place for those around us to be able to be their true authentic selves.

Julie B.

 

YOU ARE DEARLY LOVED!!

 

Photo by: Mayur Gala

Love: A strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 

Love is an interesting word isn’t it? I mean the word “love” is used for so many things these days. For example; “I love chocolate cake!” I mean I REALLY love it! Have you ever met someone that you didn’t know that well, but maybe they were really funny and as you spoke about them you said, “Man…I love that guy!”? We love people, TV shows and music. We love certain types of cars, places that we go and things that we do. So the word 'love' in and of its self isn’t always necessarily used to represent deep and meaningful things.

While I am quite guilty of using the word love in this manner, it wasn’t until a short while back that I really thought about it. About how, by using the word love to describe things that were, (for all intents and purposes), 'trivial' in my life, I was perhaps taking away from what love really is. So I got to looking into it. I heard a speaker many years ago get up to speak at a meeting; She introduced herself and then said something I had never heard before. She said, “My name is Rebecca and I am the beloved of God.” I have to say, that although I had no idea exactly what she meant by that, I REALLY liked it! It just sounded … special. About a year ago I began to research this very topic of 'Love”, being “Loved” and being the “Beloved”; what I found was quite profound for myself and I hope may  perhaps be the same for someone else reading this.

The Greek had four words for love and they are as follows;

I.       Eros            -        Erotic love (sexual love)

II.      Storge         -        Family love (Love within a family)

III.     Phila           –        Brotherly friendship and affection.

IV.     Agape         –        Perfect love

Now Agape love is what really caught my eye. Its definition was quite long and required more than just a casual “read through”. (see below)

Love that loves without changing. Self giving w/out expecting re-payment. So great it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. It loves even when rejected. It loves because it wants to. Agape love has little to do with emotion, but has much to do with self denial for the sake of another.

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

I have found and experienced Agape love in only a few instances; I experienced it with God, within the Fellowship, have received it from my parents, and experienced it towards the children in my life & towards other people in my life. You know for me, my first really personal concept of God came through my stepson at that time. I thought, “Why do we have kids?” I came to believe that it was the one physical way for me to experience even a glimpse, of how God views me. I mean, is there really anything your child could do to actually make you “love” them more than you already do? Could they REALLY do anything that would cause you to “love” them less? Of course not! You love them because they are yours! Sure…they can make you proud or even disappointed…but the love simply is what it is…Agape.

So we know what the definition of love is and the various ways in which we love. But what about 'Being Loved'…just how do we feel loved? Well, we feel loved by what we see, what we hear and how we are treated. If I’m confiding in someone and while doing this they are TOTALLY blowing me off…I’m not going to feel very loved. I would most likely be feeling rather insignificant at that moment. But let’s say that this person is TOTALLY listening to me, sharing with me, encouraging me and supporting me…I am going feel really different – I am going to feel loved.

But then we have that word ~BELOVED...

~ To be dearly loved, most treasured, adored, cherished. (A deep level of intimacy) 

Image by Jess Bailey from Pixabay

When I first read that I thought, “You know, there are people in my life who are TRULY my beloved and there is NOTHING that I would not do for them.”  But then I looked at it,(remembering what that speaker had said so long ago), “I am the beloved of God”. Such an easy idea, that for me, was SO HARD to grasp! My heart leapt as I read those words again, realizing that 'I' am God’s beloved. Through all my acts of self-centeredness and selfishness, I was dearly loved…through my many acts of defiance and rebellion, I was most treasured…through my collapse into self destruction, I was adored… and through my brokenness, I was cherished! Realizing I can never 'do' anything SO GOOD as to make God love me more…nor can I ever 'do' anything SO BAD as to cause God to love me less…God loves me because I am His! I am the beloved.

Martin Luther King said this:

“Agape is understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill towards all men. Agape is an overflowing love which seeks nothing in return. Theologians would say that it is the love of God operating in the human heart. When you rise to love on this level, you love all men not because you like them, not because their ways appeal to you, but you love them because God loves them.”

In my own recovery, something quite interesting began. While I initially came to understand and see myself as God’s beloved…something happened…a change in my heart… God became my beloved as well.

I thought with us coming upon our national holiday where we celebrate love and those with whom we have it; I would make this contribution to the word itself and share in the joy of that awakening ~ that I first came to believe and have now come to know…We are God’s Beloved and are DEARLY LOVED!                                          

©2008-2022 Rebecca Balko

THE CORNERSTONE

 

Photo by: Max Oh

Most of us go through our lives desiring to do the right things by: taking care of our responsibilities; accomplishing goals we set for ourselves or those set for us by others; caring for our families; contributing to our communities; doing well at our jobs and so on. Yet, although we desire to do these things, (with or without success), often our exterior may look fairly well, while in truth, our personal journey can often feel very much like hauling around a bag of rocks that rests heavily upon our backs. Inside of this bag, each rock represents various pains such as guilt, shame, remorse, regrets, worry, anger, fear, pride, secret hurts, broken relationships, shattered dreams and so much more – ALL heavy and burdensome. Indeed this bag has weighed upon our hearts, our minds and our very souls…drastically hindering any lasting or internal progress. These rocks created a constant feeling of being pulled down and at times, of drowning in a relentless sea of hopelessness, creating an often debilitating fear of being overcome by the weight of it all, as if even one more thing would surly crush our very existence.

Photo by: Matteo Badini

The solutions that we come up with on our own, are often derived from a sickened state of delusional thinking to have just one more drink…one more drug…one more game to gamble on…one more binge and purge…one more purchase that we can’t afford…one more reckless relationship…one more hour blocking life out by immersing ourselves on the internet, watching TV or playing video games - rather than using that precious time talking to and enjoying our children, spouse, friends and living life… the list can go on. Each time believing that THIS TIME our solution would make our bag of rocks become a little lighter or perhaps even go away all together. Ultimately though, the truth found was that with each drink, each drug, each gamble, each bite, each purchase, each escape, etc…we added another rock to our personal bag of burdens and continued to spiral downward.

Photo by: Chang Duong

Today however, there is good news in that, there lies before each man and woman - a choice to live a NEW LIFE! One in which the bag of rocks can be forever left behind, because we are no longer alone in this journey. Around all of us, (no matter where we live), there are communities of all kinds, filled with people who desire to travel this journey of life “together” rather than alone. By connecting with other people we find that the load is made easier when shared with another. Not only this, but there is a God who is more than willing to remove that bag of burdens from our backs and replace it with a single rock, for us to instead place as our life’s cornerstone.

Do you know what a cornerstone is or its significance?

The cornerstone is also known as the “foundation stone”. It is the first stone that is placed in the construction of a masonry foundation. It’s important because all of the other stones will be set in place from it and ultimately establish the position of the entire structure that is being built. You will often find that the cornerstone of certain buildings will have some sort of engraving upon them which signify its importance and stand as a point of remembrance.

Photo by: Andrik Langfield

The beauty of this life is that as long as we are breathing air, we always have the right, the ability and the means by which to change…all that is needed to put it in motion is our willingness to stop trying to run the show by ourselves and do something different. TODAY can be that day…the day to lay down that bag of rocks you’ve been hauling around and replace it with a single rock – that will represent the cornerstone upon which you desire to construct this new life. Your cornerstone may be God, your child, your spouse, Hope, Freedom, Family, Love or anything else…it is for YOU to decide. I will suggest that you obtain a smooth stone, and write upon it what you’ve chosen - to motivate you, strengthen you and remind you daily why and upon what, you are building your new life. Then place it somewhere significant and visible to you daily, as a symbolic cornerstone, a point of remembrance to serve as a motivation to continue this new course and to commemorate this new and wonderful journey you have begun.

©2014-2022 Rebecca Balko