OWNING IT ALL IN ORDER TO HEAL

 

First of all I am an adult child of alcoholics. My husband and I never had alcoholic beverages in our home because of our childhoods. When my youngest son became an alcoholic I was beyond upset, I was reliving a lot of trauma I thought I had worked through. 

He was in and out of rehabs and I decided to focus on my husband and myself. Last July he had been clean for about 2 months. I was happy for him, he had found a wonderful church with activities that supported addicts . He developed a seizure disorder and took medication but was still having them. 

On July 16th he had a grand Mal seizure and it stopped his heart. He didn't make it. I knew I had done everything I could to make him safe and had stopped enabling him. He was only 30 years old. 

I think about all the times he struggled to be his best self and now I know he is safe in heaven and one day we will be reunited. I am grateful for all the people who prayed with me and got me through really hard times. I worked my own plan of recovery and it has sustained me during this time. 

There once was a wonderful person who laughed and could always make me smile and he will forever be loved and missed. 

Mary

THE MIRACLE OF LIFE

 This is my story of an Alcoholic...

Keith B.

The miracle of life and the miracle of God...

From the age of 14 all the way till the age of 54, alcohol was my best friend and the love of my life. He was with me through the good times and the bad times, never leaving my side. He was the one thing that I could always count on in my life. Well, after a 40 year relationship with my best friend, I had to say good-bye. My health, my job and my relationships were all at risk of being taken away from me due to this horrible disease that is 'alcoholism'. 

Two years ago I found myself in the hospital with a a severe case of pancreatitis. While in the hospital I had a blood clot back up into my spleen and caused it to rupture. I was rushed into emergency surgery. When I finally woke up it was 3 weeks later. The doctor came in to see me, he explained what happened and I was in shock to hear this news. He told me that I had two operations in the first hospital that I was in and then was transported by helicopter to another hospital for two MORE operations to clean out my abdomen from the mess my ruptured spleen created. While on the operating table I DIED TWICE and received 17 units of blood - just to stay alive. They also put me in a medically induced coma for three weeks after the final surgery to stabilize me. 

I finally left the hospital 8 weeks later and returned to my life as a new man. I remained sober for 6 months and was doing great, till something happened and I relapsed. This is when I went to a treatment facility for a second time to fix my life for good. After my release, I was on the mend again and doing well. Sober for another 6 months until another relapse.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"...Oh yeah, it's this damn disease. Back into the hospital for the second time with pancreatitis. It is Sunday, February 16, 2020. While in the hospital COVID hits and all kinds of patients are filling the hospital and dying. This scared the crap out of me really bad. So when I finally was released two weeks later, I did some serious praying to God and gave Him my life completely and said, "I need help in order to stay alive."

This is the miracle: With all I've been through, (2/16/20), was my last drink. I am sober today with the strength that God gives me, and the mentality of ONE DAY AT A TIME. If I can beat this disease with God's help, you can too!

WHAT GOD CAN DO

It is amazing what God can do when you turn over your Will and Life to Him everyday.

For 15 years I worked hard at destroying everything I loved and those who Loved me. My master was the bottle and it managed me and drove all my decisions. He was a hard master and came at a high price but I was willing to do anything for him. In that short 15 years I lost my family, my health and my respect.

But today I have a new Master who has all Power - that One is God. May you find Him now! Sep. 16th, 2020, God once again, (not my first trip to rehab), showed that He has always been right by me, I just needed to look to Him and not the bottle. This time I surrendered and turned, yes turned my Will and Life over to His care, for today.

Today I am happy to report that today I am marrying my wife again, that I worked so hard to push away. She looks at me with respect again and (with the real miracle) trust. Not all has been restored but everyday I get up, thank Him and turn my Will and Life over to God, just for today. He is a much easier Master with much better rewards.

P.S. Monday I will be 8 months sober.

Sherman B.

KEEPING YOUR WELL FULL

 

Valentin Lacoste on Unsplash

Wells have been in existence in recorded history since at least 9000 to 10,500 BC in Cyprus. There have been two wells discovered in Israel from the Neolithic period of around 6500 BC. It is estimated that 90% of the global population, (just under 7 billion people), use at least a basic drinking-water source within a distance of 30 minutes round-trip. In many cases, this source comes in the form of a fresh water well. In fact, there are more than 15.9 million water wells for all sorts of purposes in the US alone and approx. 500,000 new residential wells are being constructed annually. It is not enough to simply possess a personal well or to have knowledge about where one is to use. Much must be done to insure that the water obtained is clean. Some of the tips for a clean well are:

•         Understanding the problem
•         Don't try to service your own well
•         Using a qualified professional
•         Doing your homework
•         Taking steps to maintain your well
•         Remembering that 'preventative' maintenance is less costly in the long run:

1. Insuring the physical well has check up's and testing annually for mechanical problems, cleanliness and testing for the presence of contaminates
2. Periodic check up of: well cover and well cap - to ensure good repair
3. If there are signs of gastrointestinal issues, then the 'water' should be tested more often
4. Always maintaining a proper distance between your well and other buildings, waste systems and chemical storage facilities
5. Always keeping hazardous materials out such as: Paint, fertilizer, pesticides and motor oil

Right about now you might be wondering, "What on EARTH does this have to do with stress and how to have wellness??" I have always found that there is not one thing faced in our lives, that there isn't an example of it in the world that surrounds us. So today I want to use a 'water well' as the visual tool for gaining insight to our own lives in the area of wellness.

When a well isn't taken care of, the water can become 'toxic'. All those who consume this water are likely to become sick, and no amount of 'mind over matter' will change that outcome. Indeed, it will require steps of action to correct the problem and bring about the desired effect. Each of us are much like a well: When we are at our best, we have much to give those we love and the world around us, and so long as we maintain our own well - our experience of 'giving' will remain a joyful and rewarding. However, when we may go for long periods of giving to others our time and energy, (without maintenance), we will find ourselves feeling 'tapped out' and in need of a break; emotionally exhausted; or perhaps even just 'shut down' completely. In these states of being, we may try very hard to 'push through' and continue to give more, but ultimately will find, that at this point, even our best is 'toxic' to those around us and no amount of 'mind over matter' is going to change that either. Just as with the well, it will require steps of action to correct the problem and bring about the desired effect. So let's look at these steps, using the 'well tips' listed above as our guide:

• Understanding the problem:  No solution has any sticking power until there is FIRST an understanding of the problem. As human beings our reality, (though we may deny it), is that we are finite. We are capable of doing a LOT, but we are not capable of doing it ALL. In the 12 steps, this would be called 'Step One', (We admitted we were powerless and our lives became unmanageable). The way to begin making the shift from living in our problem to living in a solution, is to acknowledge that the problem exists and continues due to my own limitation(s). 
• Don't try to service your own well: As human beings our most natural response to any problem is to turn inward and attempt to 'handle our business' on our own. Doing this will bring positive results to a point, and then it becomes necessary to acknowledge that the reason I'm having a problem in the first place is that 'I' can't do it 'all'. So the next step towards a healthy well is to admit to ourselves that we are not going to be able to do this alone.
• Using a qualified professional: Once we can acknowledge that going outward instead of inward is the right direction to move, in order to get to where we want to be, then there are several options available to investigate: (a) Working with a licensed therapist, who will enable you to have someone to listen and to provide insight and direction, as well as accountability on a consistent basis; (b) Getting involved in one of the traditional 12-step fellowships, (or faith based fellowships), and working the 12 principles of recovery with someone who knows from their own  personal experience how to get results. This also provides friendship and accountability; (c) Getting into religious counseling and support groups, which allow for direction, action and accountability. By doing this, you insure a means to continue in  personal wellness.
• Doing your homework: Regardless of who you choose to work with above, (and it may be a combination of people), all of the above mentioned people will give you actions to take, (i.e.: work to do), and it will be critical to do that. Keep in mind though, that in this case, 'homework' isn't only referring to assignments. Rather YOU are the 'home' and 'work' will always need to be done.  
• Taking steps to maintain your wellness: Keeping our well FULL, is not something to simply be achieved, but rather, to be maintained, and that can NOT be done by doing a couple things for a little while and saying, "Well, there it is..I'm good...NEXT!" No, it is a process. The steps that have been used by countless millions, bringing about desired and consistent change and joyfulness, are found in the action steps numbered 1-12. (((If you would like a break down of the principles of these steps in an easy to read and understand format, feel free to request that from me at: r.balko@mandalahealingcenter.net))) 
• Remembering that 'preventative' maintenance is less costly in the long run: Sometimes the work needed to maintain our own wellness can, in itself, feel tiresome. But when we remember that while we first take the actions to 'bring about' wellness...the work we put into maintaining it is quite small, compared to the work required when we slide back into our old and unhealthy ways.    

            ***5 Steps for Preventative Maintenance***

•  1. At least once a year do a 'check up' in all 3 aspects of your life: Physical, Mental and Spiritual. Physically, this can be done by insuring that you are taking care of yourself with all annual check ups maintained, a healthy diet, exercise and rest; Mentally this can be done by getting with the person you regularly hold yourself accountable to and review over the past year - Looking at areas of struggle, of growth and of actions taken, to see growth and chart new goals. Also, if there are mental health needs, insuring proper actions are maintained also; Spiritually this can be done by having this same review with God the past year; Through prayer/meditation; and by looking at how you have given, (and are giving), love, time and help to others around you.
• 2. Throughout the year, keep this checklist nearby to review and insure you are doing the things needed to keep your well full and healthy on a daily basis
• 3. If you find yourself in a state of internal or external conflict that will not resolve, (i.e. stinking thinking), then it is an indicator that this is a time to be even more mindful and diligent in working with the person you've chose to help you AND in taking steps for wellness
• 4. Maintaining healthy boundaries with people and places that you know create conflict and/or stir up stinking thinking and emotional upheaval in your life. Remember that, with the help of people 'other than ourselves', we learn how to set boundaries - BUT it is in  CONTINUING to do this, that we learn how to MAINTAIN those healthy boundaries
• 5. Temptation in an area you struggle with, should be avoided all together. When emotions get stirred, (and they will - it's part of living), it's easy to be tempted to get back into old behaviors.*If you struggle to stay away from triggers and temptation, THIS IS EXACTLY what we have other people and supports in our life to help us with*

Just know that YOU are WORTH the work! It may seem impossible from where you are standing today, to imagine a life where despite: pains, difficulties and drama, you can have joy...you can experience calm and you can keep your well FULL ...but is IS possible! In fact this is the experience of millions of people. It begins with a simple "yes" to this one question:

  

Have you had enough of the old way yet?

(c)2021 Rebecca Balko

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH ALCOHOL

 

Photo by Jakub Kriz on Unsplash

When we first met I was intrigued by you. You where so mature and I so innocent. You where the popular one in the room. Everyone wanted you and wanted to be around you. I was nervous when you came towards me but excited at the same time. I wondered what it would be like to be with you, but was scared because I had never done this before.

When we finally met you where warm and exciting. You made me feel amazing. I felt mature beyond my age. You gave me confidence to do the things I never could. You where always there, you never left my side. I was so thankful I found you as you made my life come alive. You built my confidence and reassured me I could do anything. I was in love.

Only one day you didn’t. You quit helping me when life got hard. You where only making things worse. You quit making me happy and constantly made me sad. I couldn’t leave you though. We had such a long relationship with so many good memories. I didn’t want to lose you. I couldn’t bare to be without you. You were my everything!!

Only you continued to become more abusive to me. It started slow but escalated over time. I didn’t want the world to know what you had done to me. So I made excuses for you. I protected you. I lost myself for you. I did everything I could to save our relationship., while you did nothing but what you wanted. You always did what you wanted. You never loved me.

So I had to learn to un-love you. I had to figure out how to let you go. You ruined to much of my life and alienated me from my friends and family. Your false promises had fallen on deaf ears finally. It was time to move on from your narcissistic ways. I loved you but I couldn’t be with you anymore. Our life together was over.

Written By: Brian Morgan

Sober Date: 4/10/2020